Am I a butter Nazi?

[Pete]

Perhaps this belongs in Square Eyes' whats your spread topic but I feel this is slightly different.

I like to take my butter from the tub in careful, horizontal strokes leaving a neat pattern, slowly and uniformly lowering the level of the butter.

The other half however digs into his butter with the knife to retrieve nuggets of the stuff. He accuses me of being a butter nazi and purposefully makes small indentations in the butter when I'm not looking.

Am I evil?

[timgraham]

No. The smooth approach is also good when you have butter like the stuff we get from the Queen Vic markets which is rock solid when it comes out of the fridge.

Also people who contaminate it with vegemite/jam/crumbs by using unclean knives annoy me.

[Nini]

I'd say... um, you're a butter Nazi. Next time it happens, if you shout "no butter for you!" at him then it's a certainty.

[Gavin Scott]

I'm odd. I either peel off the paper top on my butter-alternative spread immediately on opening the tub and discard it, or I leave it on and have to peel and replace each time I spread. Sometime I dig like a navvy, and other times I want smooth strokes.

There's no rhyme or reason - I just do one or t'other.

[rob]

I dig into the butter. Nothing like getting stuck in!

[Jovis]

I don't know. My slave does mine.

[cdd]

As long as you don't have that disgusting "I can't believe it's not butter" / olive spread (I can believe it's not butter, that's why it tastes like fucking candle wax). Everywhere seems to be replacing butter with that stuff and it's disgusting. The upmarket Olivia rubbish is just as sickening, and I can't believe people actually spread that greasy disgusting yuk onto bread. It's always white bread, soggy white bread, too. I suspect they also buy it from Lidl.

With that in mind I am something of a butter zen gardener myself. However to be totally frank I am the sort of sad individual who butters a tiny bit of bread and then puts a tiny bit of jam on it and eats that bit by bit. I'm sure I annoy people, but I don't have the willpower to stop. Please advise.

[Gavin Scott]

As long as you don't have that disgusting "I can't believe it's not butter" / olive spread (I can believe it's not butter, that's why it tastes like fucking candle wax). Everywhere seems to be replacing butter with that stuff and it's disgusting. The upmarket Olivia rubbish is just as sickening, and I can't believe people actually spread that greasy disgusting yuk onto bread. It's always white bread, soggy white bread, too. I suspect they also buy it from Lidl.

Just you wait 'til you're watching your cholesterol, young man. I'm not a fan of a sliced loaf. I prefer baguettes.

With that in mind I am something of a butter zen gardener myself. However to be totally frank I am the sort of sad individual who butters a tiny bit of bread and then puts a tiny bit of jam on it and eats that bit by bit. I'm sure I annoy people, but I don't have the willpower to stop. Please advise.

Have you been dining at the Hanson's?

[Pete]

oh I don't like removing the foil fully either. I have to keep the end attached so it can fold back over.

It's real butter as in spreadable anchor / lurpak lighter spreadable I can't bring myself to bother with real butter anymore as its just too faffy to spread.

[Nini]

However to be totally frank I am the sort of sad individual who butters a tiny bit of bread and then puts a tiny bit of jam on it and eats that bit by bit. I'm sure I annoy people, but I don't have the willpower to stop. Please advise.

I've honestly never heard of that being done by anyone and I'm a woman of the world. Tell you what then, I'll stand behind you when you do this and if you do only do a bit each time I'll whack your hands with a metal ruler until you learn to do it like a normal human.

And stay away from the Hansons.

EDIT: Crap, beat to it by Gavin.

[cdd]

With that in mind I am something of a butter zen gardener myself. However to be totally frank I am the sort of sad individual who butters a tiny bit of bread and then puts a tiny bit of jam on it and eats that bit by bit. I'm sure I annoy people, but I don't have the willpower to stop. Please advise.

Have you been dining at the Hanson's?

Yes, I have as a matter of fact. But the actual reason I do it is because it is a good excuse to eat more butter.

Hyma: your aversion to spreading butter could be resolved wtih my bit-by-bit approach.