Jokes...

Lorns · Fri 17 Mar, 2006 21.44

Husband emerges from the bathroom naked and is climbing into bed. When his wife complains as usual," i have a headache". "Perfect" her husband replies," i was powdering my cock in the bathroom with asparin. You can take it orally or as a suppositry,it's upto you?"

DJGM · Fri 17 Mar, 2006 22.51

A boy arrived home from school one day, with a brand new sofa, and two new armchairs.
His dad grabbed him and said, "What've I told you about taking suites from strangers?!?"

chinajan · Sat 18 Mar, 2006 00.04

So the inflatable schoolboy got up one morning and stuck a pin in his inflatable parents. Then he went to his inflatable school and stuck a pin in that. Aghast, he stuck the pin in himself..

His teacher said, 'You've let your parents down. You've let the school down. But most importantly you've let yourself down.'

Nick Harvey · Sat 18 Mar, 2006 12.23

Keep 'em coming, folks.

I'm looking for some new Groaner material!

(Official warning - Any jokes published in this thread are liable to be stolen and re-published elsewhere by an unscrupulous webmaster.)

rts · Sat 18 Mar, 2006 13.19

A blonde walks into a dry cleaners with a top. "Could you dry clean this please?". A little hard of hearing, the shop assistant replied, "come again?".

"Oh no, just toothpaste this time!"

Lorns · Sat 18 Mar, 2006 17.57

Mr.Cadbury met Ms Rowntree in a room on Quality Street. It was after Eight. He turned out the light for a bit of Black magic! He slipped his hand in her Snickers & showed her his Curly Wurly. Not keen to have any Jelly babies she let him take a trip up Bournville Boulevard. She screamed with Turkish delight as he took out his Funsized Mars bar it felt a bit Crunchie & she wanted some Timeout but he did a Twirl & had a Picnic in her Pink Wafers!

Lorns · Sat 18 Mar, 2006 20.04

Okay mr.uncscrupulous webmaster, i dare you to publish this one...

George W Bush and Tony Blair are in a meeting at the Whitehouse,Georges wife walks in and asks what they're doing. They tell her they are making plans for WW3.So she asks" what are the plans?".To which bush says we're going to kill 14 million Muslims and 1 Dentist".
" Why 1 Dentist?" she asks.Bush pats Blair on the back and says " See,told you no-one would ask about the effing muslims"..

TG · Sat 18 Mar, 2006 20.19

Two blondes walk into a building.

You'd think ONE of them would have noticed it.

Charlie Wells · Sat 18 Mar, 2006 21.33

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but couldn't see any.

I man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and said to the barman "Pint please, and one for the road".

* The following joke is taken from Jack Dee at the Appollo *

What's the difference between a washing machine and an Essex girl?
A washing machine doesn't spit out your load.

Bean Spiller · Sun 19 Mar, 2006 00.33

The manager of Liverpool Football Club sends his scouts out to Afghanistan to spot fresh new talent.

They see a lad kicking a ball around on a piece of waste ground and think he could be the next Ronaldo. They immediately offer him a place in the Liverpool team and he takes up their offer.

Three months later the young Afghan lad is one of the most famous players in the Premiership. After scoring a hat-trick for Liverpool against Man United, he phones his mother after the match to tell her how happy he is.

"Mum, life is wonderful, I'm rich and famous, and everyone loves me."

"I'm glad you're so happy", his mum says, "do you want to hear how things are going for us? Your sister and I have just been raped, your father's been shot dead and your brother is now working for a drug trafficking gang."

"Oh my God, mum, I'm so sorry", he says.

"So you should be", she says, "it's your fault we moved to Liverpool".

Lorns · Sun 19 Mar, 2006 11.54

Consider that joke stolen Bean and being sent to my pals as we speak.