Stupid question but...all about relationships

[johnnyboy]

I feel pretty secure in the knowledge I can get a good answer on MP247 on this topic, despite the geekiness of our sister forum.

How does one go from dating into a relationship?

It seems that as I get older, despite getting more experience, it seems to be becoming more and more confusing.

After a certain number of dates, do you ask the other person to become exclusive? Do you ask them out, as it were? Or does it just develop naturally?

Plus, from the giddy highs of dating to the steady fun of a relationship - how does one handle the transition.

Either I am losing my touch, or the women I am dating are batty. Surely the truth is somewhere inbetween.

Please advice, 'pollers.

[Dr Lobster*]

in my experence, it happens naturally. if you have to 'push' it, it's because the other person doesn't want the same thing.

when you've found the right person, the whole thing is totally effortless and you don't even need to think about this sort of thing.

[johnnyboy]

in my experence, it happens naturally. if you have to 'push' it, it's because the other person doesn't want the same thing.

when you've found the right person, the whole thing is totally effortless and you don't even need to think about this sort of thing.

Cheers, Dr L* - you're a smart guy in general but your stuff on women has always been convincing to me and I respect your opinions.

The thing that is worrying me is that I am a top bloke. I say that not to be arrogant, but I look at other guys and think, "facking hell, you don't have the first clue, do you?"

As I get older though, whatever worked for me in the past doesn't seem to be working that well anymore.

I'm a bit worried about ending "on the shelf", as it were. It's not through lack of effort, I assure you, I just don't seem to meet women anymore with whom there is that natural fit. Bugger.

[Dr Lobster*]

in my experence, it happens naturally. if you have to 'push' it, it's because the other person doesn't want the same thing.

when you've found the right person, the whole thing is totally effortless and you don't even need to think about this sort of thing.

Cheers, Dr L* - you're a smart guy in general but your stuff on women has always been convincing to me and I respect your opinions.

The thing that is worrying me is that I am a top bloke. I say that not to be arrogant, but I look at other guys and think, "facking hell, you don't have the first clue, do you?"

As I get older though, whatever worked for me in the past doesn't seem to be working that well anymore.

I'm a bit worried about ending "on the shelf", as it were. It's not through lack of effort, I assure you, I just don't seem to meet women anymore with whom there is that natural fit. Bugger.

i think some of the problem is meeting women who are truely on your own level. from the complex posts you write here, it's fairly apparent you're a brainy bloke - the most difficult thing i have found is meeting somebody who truely apprechiates your brain and your quirks.

as i have gotten older, i have found that the best way is even from day 1, don't be afraid to be a twat. for instance, i'd say stuff which was incredibly bad taste - make jokes about people who or subjects most people who see as very taboo, ask questions they are not expecting. the women who had a brain like mine responded in such as they knew it was a game, and i was messing about - the plebs wouldn't know what to say or would look confused.

i've used some of the most bizzare lines to get womens attention in my past, i remember walking up to one girl at a cash machine and asking 'hey, you want to go out for a cake?' and 'this jacket is made from an arab, want to try it on?' those who were on my level respond well and indeed, those two initial lines developed into relationships; one lasted over a year, the other 6 or 7 months.

my girlfriend now, i should really call her my partner, i've known her for a long time, we live together and we're moving into our first house in a couple of weeks.

how i met her was she was on a work night out with her mates were taking pictures in the local pub - i saw this happening and walked up to one of the girls in the picture and stuck my tongue in her ear and did something stupid with my face. it kind of went on from there and we ended up going out.

i have asked the g/f what she finds most attractive about me, and she reckons it's because i'm unpredictable, random and a twat in a nice way.

i truely hide nothing of my personality from her, i say what i think, i sometimes say things which i know are wrong, and i constantly wind her up about her insecurities and quirks. i do things to her she hates (like bite her moles and fart on her hand or skin) one day i will bring her flowers, the next a cheese slice, i might ring her up at work and say that i can't hear her and can she ring me back later. it's great fun, and pretty much we never stop laughing.

i suppose, what i'm saying is be the real you, the person you are with your best bloke mate. don't be reserved, i used to do that and i think it puts accross the wrong message.

[johnnyboy]

That's really interesting stuff, Dr. L*.

I'm not trying to big myself up or anything, but I am a smart guy and I do look for it in others. It's definitely not the most important thing though - the girl I was with for 8 years was, and I say this with the greatest respect for her because I loved her dearly, not approaching my level of intelligence. She was brainy, no doubt about it, but definitely not an intellectual.

What I liked about her was, including her intelligence, she was funny, a little bit insecure from time-to-time which made me feel needed, and she had a fantastic character.

I definitely think character is the key - the deal clincher, as it were.

A woman's character does seem to deteriorate if she gets older (say 30+) and has not settled down in either a long LTR or marriage. I'm sure women could say the same about guys though.

The whole dating scene seems full of suspicion and doubt from women. I'm excellent at the first impression shit, but then I get a bit confused about how to transition it from that to relationship.

[babyben]

With regards to moving from dates to relationship, I couldn't answer how that happens as it's different each time.

With my current victim, errr, floozy, err, person it happened when I basically said "can I have you all to myself then?" and luckily the response was aye. God that sounds so cheesy in print.. it wasn't honestly.

You've just got to take time and let things flow, if you are desperate and on the look-out all the time, it'll take longer. A watched kettle never boils, anyone?

Your certainly an intelligent guy, sadly it's not always a good thing as I'm sure you mulll over thing and pick at things again and again that other people would gloss over without much of a concern.

[Cheese Head]

Sorry to go slightly off topic, but...

Can we please find a new word for "Fancy" and "Relationship" ? The words just have icky connotations for me... as im sure they might do for others, for one reason or another...

[iSon]

I love the words fancy and relationship. They are classic speak.

As is "courting" - I think that's a great and often underused term.

But jb - I think you're getting a bit serious...just pop down to your local pub and make sure at least you and one of your mates is on "totty watch" then you'll be sorted.

[babyben]

Sorry to go slightly off topic, but...

Can we please find a new word for "Fancy" and "Relationship" ? The words just have icky connotations for me... as im sure they might do for others, for one reason or another...

]

Perhaps because your single?

I don't have a problem with the words, it's a big like having a problem with the word 'car' because you don't have a driving licence.

[johnnyboy]

Mmm..very interesting points.

Perhaps I am taking it all a little too seriously - after all, you know what they say "you always find what you're looking for when you're not actively looking for it".

Babyben, you're correct. In the stage between dating and a relationship, I do find that incredibly complicated to understand and perhaps I do think myself into corners too much.

Cheers, fellas.

[mr smuf]

how i met her was she was on a work night out with her mates were taking pictures in the local pub - i saw this happening and walked up to one of the girls in the picture and stuck my tongue in her ear and did something stupid with my face. it kind of went on from there and we ended up going out.

However this type of behaviour doesn't work that often on most lasses. Any bloke who does that around the girls I know would get a slap, or simply be labelled as an arsehole. It really depends on the type of girl I think???