Baffling local news stories

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Pete
Posts: 7228
Joined: Fri 15 Aug, 2003 13.36
Location: Dundee

With its letters page full of whinging cretins demanding they BRING BACK THE BIRCH, the famous long running discussion of where to get dolobo biscuits and of course the discussion of what constituted the ice cream known as the "lochee slider" Dundee's evening telegraph often fails to disappoint. However tonight I must pay tribute to its astounding level of drivvel.

First of all, we have straw clutching that puts the doctor who thread on the other site to shame...
http://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/outpu ... 554t0.shtm

then on the letters page we have a title missing all the first letters, then further down an argument about tasteful nom de plumes, and yet further down a bizzare comment about booze.
http://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/outpu ... tters.shtm


Is your local rag capable of more shit than this?
"He has to be larger than bacon"
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Sput
Posts: 7478
Joined: Wed 20 Aug, 2003 19.57

The websites of local newspapers are a special, magical place where the idiots of the internet combine forces with the morons of a local community. Together, they spew forth a mix of rambling, prejudiced and baseless nonsense that would beat any flamewar on here.
Knight knight
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lukey
Posts: 587
Joined: Thu 25 May, 2006 01.11
Location: London
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Back in delightful Fife for a couple of weeks, and I'm reacquainting myself with the thrill that is the Glenrothes Gazette. This week - among the dull groan of Post Office closure protests which is now such a constant, I suspect the front page has been unchanged since 2004 - is the annual oddity of 'Bonnie Babies', where curiously named "distinctive" children are paraded in a 5x9 grid of Glenrothes' finest teenage offspring, as lower-middle class readers select the least ugly children to bask in the glory of receiving a free 10x8 mounted photo. w00t indeed.

One witty headline announces "'P' in the Park!", but before you have a chance to choke on your Rich Tea biscuit, it helpfully clarifies "That's 'P' for problems...", by which point few will be reading to care about the 10 year olds drinking and throwing stones at cricketers.

Whilst celebrating the continuing life of a woman "who is believed to be the country's oldest surviving former nurse" (a title that continues to be hotly contested), the Gazette succeeded in finding a way to mention Dougray Scott, a thinly-veiled weekly hobby of theirs, by announcing the exciting news that he will -wait for it- be facing a campaign which will promote the shipbuilding trade on the Clyde and Forth. Fuck me!

Curiously, the dating section has consolidated its recognition of the sexual spectrum to "WOMEN seeking MEN", "MEN seeking WOMEN" and "GAY and FRIENDS".

Get...me...out...of...here.
Jovis
Posts: 1452
Joined: Fri 25 Aug, 2006 20.08

http://www.gallowaygazette.co.uk/news/M ... 4160120.jp

Have I missed something obvious? What does her MS have to do with her carpet?
Adders
Posts: 218
Joined: Fri 22 Aug, 2003 14.38

Here's one of my favourites from the local paper.

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Steve in Pudsey
Posts: 196
Joined: Fri 02 Jan, 2004 09.45

The local paper here, the Huddersfield Daily Examiner, carried a story last week that two more local pubs were "calling time for good". Such a fantastically researched piece of journalism - one of the two pubs mentioned used to be my local until it shut the best part of 18 months ago.
DAS
Posts: 919
Joined: Tue 19 Aug, 2003 16.35
Location: The Kingdom of Leather

Not a newspaper but from the magical world of BBC Look East. I will always remember the lead story one night a few years back. A young Norfolk boy was nearly killed when for some reason his mother let him fill up their car at a petrol station and he managed to engulf himself in flames. However, tragedy was prevented when former gold medalist and BBC Sportsperson of the Year, Fatima Whitbread dowsed the boy in milk. The day I stop telling people about that top story is the day the world ends.
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m-in-m
Posts: 230
Joined: Sat 05 Apr, 2008 22.26
Location: West Suffolk/Cambs

DAS wrote:Not a newspaper but from the magical world of BBC Look East. I will always remember the lead story one night a few years back. A young Norfolk boy was nearly killed when for some reason his mother let him fill up their car at a petrol station and he managed to engulf himself in flames. However, tragedy was prevented when former gold medalist and BBC Sportsperson of the Year, Fatima Whitbread dowsed the boy in milk. The day I stop telling people about that top story is the day the world ends.
I guarantee if that story appeared now on Look East, Stewart or Suzy would be saying afterwards "and we only heard about that story because X contacted us, you can contact us ...."
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Ronnie Rowlands
Posts: 953
Joined: Sun 15 Apr, 2007 14.50
Location: North Wales

The letters in the North Wales Pioneer are far more stupid than the stories. I remember reading one that was along the lines of "I am shocked by Conwy Quay. All of this money has been spent on renovating it yet I was served a drink in a cheap cup and saw some people sitting on a wall". Oh lord, what is happening to our society?
Ronnie is victorious, vivacious in victory like a venomous dog. Vile Republicans cease living while the religious retort with rueful rhetoric. These rank thugs resort to violence and swear revenge.

But Ronnie can punch through steel so they lose anyway.
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ashley b
Posts: 283
Joined: Sat 23 Aug, 2003 14.51
Location: somewhere above the knee
Contact:

Adders wrote:Here's one of my favourites from the local paper.

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Oh the Sale and Altrincham Messenger's great for stories like that, I remember one from a couple of years ago. - "Mobility Scooter crash". Basically a man had driven his mobility scooter into a parked car. Thankfully, no one was injured. They always have all the ltest housefires from the area. I'm surprised they don't have a dedecated section.

And similar to above, from thier website:

http://www.messengernewspapers.co.uk/ne ... chip_shop/
Boiler fire at chip shop
12:00pm Thursday 26th June 2008

FIREFIGHTERS were called to a blaze involving a gas boiler on the first floor of a chip shop on Hall Lane, Partington, on Wednesday afternoon. The owners put it out with a dry powder extinguisher before the fire crew arrived.

Actually, thats something I forgot to do the other week, I didn't ring SAM when my shower exploded and burst into flames with me in it and I put it out myself. Tsk.
*whistle*
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Adders
Posts: 218
Joined: Fri 22 Aug, 2003 14.38

The Messenger is exactly where that article is from. Mine's out of the SUM rather than the SAM though. It's nice to see they've fooked up their site. Where will the moaners go now?
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