Tell us a joke!

[rob]

Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost from £199 to £299 depending on the size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts, and not listening to them.

-------

A man was in a long line at his local Tesco's store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, 'What size condoms?' The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers. He did. She reached over the counter,
Grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, 'One box of large condoms, Till 5.'
The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, 'One box of medium-sized condoms, Till 5.'
A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a female before, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the till he told the checker he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said...

'Mop and bucket, Till 5'

---

March 19 was Einstein's birthday. He would have been 128. Few people
remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal,
after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. He stated that he was attracted
to Elsa because she was well endowed.

He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the
attraction is even stronger if there is a DNA connection.

This came to be known as Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty

[Sput]

You're in more dire need of a blowjob than any man in history.

[rob]

You're in more dire need of a blowjob than any man in history.

Oh grow up.

[Sput]

Oh grow up.

From the man giving us boobie and willy jokes!

[Alexia]

Don't make me bang your heads together...

[Pete]

I agree with Sput

[Alexia]

My uncle was a window repair man. He fixed 2000 windows before he realised he had a crack in his glasses.

[Slagathor.]

Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal.
-Demetri Martin

[Lorns]

A son asks his dad what the difference between " realistically" and " theoretically" is.
Dad says " thats a difficult one. I have an idea! Ask mum if she would sleep with the milkman for a million quid"
Mum says yes.

Dad says " Now son ask your sister if she'll sleep with the postman for 2million quid"

Sister says Yes

Well there you go son there's your answer. Theoretically we're sitting on 3 million quid but realistically we're living with 2 slags.

[Lorns]

I was in ASDA earlier buying OXO cubes. They had chicken, Beef and England. " what's the England for ?" i asked the assistant.
" Oh that's the laughing stock" she replied.



( surprised none of you Scots, Oirish or welshites got in first with that one)

[Col]

Why was the orange with a lisp sad?

Everyone kept taking the pith out of him.