Laminated Signs

cdd · Tue 23 Oct, 2007 18.40

The world seems to be filled with 'homemade' arrogant, demanding, and patronising laminated signs bossing you around. They amuse me because they fall into two categories - either they're trying to encourage you to behave like a courteous human being (saying things like "STOP! Did You Wash your Hands?" - inconsistent capitalisation intentional), or they're trying to excuse the owner for a design failure of some kind (such as those saying "Please Pull Then Push This Door") etc.

Homemade signs are almost guaranteed to be enjoyable since they're always afterthoughts - as if it had been considered beforehand then professional signs would have been created with the building. Also, they're always made by people who think that the best signs are written in Block Caps Bold Italic and Underlined text (on the grounds that the more text modifiers you apply, the better it looks...)

Have you seen any amusing laminated signs?

Sput · Tue 23 Oct, 2007 20.20

Not content with their free scooters to ferry them around, the fat couple near me decided to make a "no parking" sign, complete with "disabled" logo, and stuck it on their fence because they felt entitled to the bit of road outside their house. It mainly pisses me off because they have a drive but instead of using it like normal people, they fill it with their awful caravan. And instead of extending it onto their front garden, they filled it with gnomes.

I'm not a fan. Thankfully they didn't breed.

Gavin Scott · Tue 23 Oct, 2007 21.15

I'm going to put a sign inside the entrance of the block of flats I live in, asking the residents not to slam the door. I'm right above it and it really makes the flat shake.

Acting is all about finding meaning in the text, so I'm keenly aware of how such a sign can be interpreted by the reader, especially as I can provide no other clue about the personality of the author. Without blowing my own trumpet (and these days I'm lucky if I can reach it), I think I have a particular skill with words - hopefully one which engenders the sense I'm a reasonable and egalitarian man. I haven't yet come to a final draft - it's a work in progess.

But be assured - when it's done it will be worthy of lamination.

Sput · Tue 23 Oct, 2007 21.21

I think it's because you're scottish. Was it something along the lines of "I'll knorck yer fackin heed uff!"?

Beep · Tue 23 Oct, 2007 22.38

The funniest ones ive seen are the ones i saw on my tour of the police station
in the coulorful Office 2003 wordart "Race Hate" laminated sign on a door or"Victim Support"

Jovis · Tue 23 Oct, 2007 23.11

Well, it had me in stitches.

Sput wrote:Not content with their free scooters to ferry them around, the fat couple near me decided to make a "no parking" sign, complete with "disabled" logo, and stuck it on their fence because they felt entitled to the bit of road outside their house. It mainly pisses me off because they have a drive but instead of using it like normal people, they fill it with their awful caravan. And instead of extending it onto their front garden, they filled it with gnomes.

I'm not a fan. Thankfully they didn't breed.

It would be ever so slightly amusing to rip it off without them noticing. When they replace it, rip that off too. When they replace that, rip it off. And so this dull analogy continues.

Stuart* · Wed 24 Oct, 2007 00.25

Sput wrote:Not content with their free scooters to ferry them around, the fat couple near me decided to make a "no parking" sign, complete with "disabled" logo, and stuck it on their fence because they felt entitled to the bit of road outside their house. It mainly pisses me off because they have a drive but instead of using it like normal people, they fill it with their awful caravan. And instead of extending it onto their front garden, they filled it with gnomes.

Steal their gnomes and send a postcard allegedly from the gnomes saying they won't return until they can live inside the caravan......on their lawn.

The caravan will be moved onto the lawn within days, and their scooters will then have space on the drive! (Assuming you return said gnomes)

Alexia · Wed 24 Oct, 2007 08.32

I use three laminated signs in my job.

Two say "We apologise but these doors are locked overnight, please phone Concierge on XXXXXX....." and are blue-tacked to the side reception. However I usually let people in if I'm there

The other says "The night receptionist is away doing essential duties and will be back shortly." and is placed on the reception desk. For "essential duties", read "having a cuppa in the canteen and watching the NFL.".....er...delivering bills and papers.

Sput · Wed 24 Oct, 2007 09.40

nodnirG kraM wrote:Torch the caravan, shoot the gnomes, and poo on your neighbours' heads.

That's a stupid idea. You're stupid.

Where am I going to get FIRE from?

marbles333 · Wed 24 Oct, 2007 20.26

There's one in the college toilets, which reads (exactly):

"THESE TOILETS ARE BEING MONITORED PLEASE DO NO VANDALISE OR NOBODY WILL BE ABLE TO USE THEM. Thanks, Anthea".

The check-ups are becoming highly irritating, but its quite funny when a feeble cleaner knocks on the door and sqeuaks "hello can I come in, everyone decent?"... I just keep quiet and let her wait! Muhahah

cwathen · Wed 24 Oct, 2007 23.25

things like "STOP! Did You Wash your Hands?"

My old work used to have a sign reading 'NOW wash your hands' just above the toilet, as if to assume that you needed to be explicitly instructed to do so or else you wouldn't bother.

My favourite sign is one at a local market - amongst 'NO REFUND'S' (it's actually illegal to display a sign stating that) and various other bits of signeage hand written in marker pen and full of misplaced apostrophes is this little gem:

"THIEVE'S WILL BE TREATED AS YOU DESERVE N.B. THIS MEANS FINGER'S BEING REMOVED"