The world is a mess!

[Lorns]

And people wandered why i never wanted kids!

What with global warming, famine the world almost at war thanks to Religion and Politics YET AGAIN!

When i say never wanted kids, i do now. I always thought i would never want to bring a child into this world. Now i do! I expect that sounds odd. Let me explain....


I have recently had a trial seperation from Mr. Hellfire. I needed space and to his credit he didn't overreact. I felt like i was on a hamster wheel and didn't know where i was going or what i wanted.
The time apart gave me alot of time to ponder. He is strong, smart, logical and very,very, devious. Pretty much like me really but much more cleverer and devious.
We are now back together. You don't what you've got till it's gone.We really were soul mates. We have considered the state of the world and decided it' about time we tried for an Army of kids. For the future of the Earth you understand.

I'm feeling all maternal!

[James H]

A friend of mine is pregnant at the moment and has just started having morning sickness.

Just thought I'd share that with you.

[Lorns]

God i'm so fickle. Thanks for that James. It has taken 3 hours alone with friends 2 kids to put me off. All i need is for a woman to actually be honest with me about the pain to put me off forever. I know they're not telling me the truth about the overwhelming love takes the pain away. They all share that same look in their eye when they utter those words. I can tell they're not being completely honest with me.

I had the afternoon off work so called on a friend with 2 children under 4. I was confiding in her how i'm feeling quite maternal and could be ready for kids. I mention how alot of the kids these days are walking ASBOs and the parents have no control. These kids are our future and my pension, so i thought it might be a good idea to bring some well disciplined kids into our society. Hence lots of little Hellfires.
"Great!" she said, " so you'll want some practice. i'd like to pop out for a little while. I won't be long, would you keep an eye on the kids?"

Me:- " well how long will you be?"
Her:- " oh bout 1/2 hour!"
Me:- " Easy peasy lemon squeezy"

Now i have been alone around toddlers before, it was about 20 years ago. It was fun back then. I'm good with kids in the salon so i thought it'd be easy.

Hahahahahahahah!!! i'm not laughing i'm crying.

2 hours 43 mins and 17 seconds later she walked back through the door. Oh don't get me wrong, she regularly texted me to say she'll be a bit longer and chose to ignore my pleas for her to come home asap.

A boy of 3 and a girl of 18months have almost destroyed me. I am exhausted. I have had to stop the boy hitting the girl with various toys, i've watched Thomas the tank engine ALOT! Had my eyes gauged out, yoghurt in my hair, chocolate biscuits all over my face arms jeans, shirt. Not to mention the juice i've cleaned up off the floor out of the carpet. And then there is the stench of wee and poo i can't get out of my nostrils. I didn't know babies could poo so much.

At 1 point i needed the loo. I put he baby in her seat with wheels on that she charges around the room in made sure nothing was to hand that they could hurt themselves with.

No sooner had i shut the door.. the phone began ringingng, someone was knocking on the door and the kids started crying.

There was alot more eye gauging, juice spilling toys being launched in my direction ( they are our javelin and discus olympic stars of the future) story telling before my friend Hah! walked through the door.

She couldn't believe her eyes. The house was a mess. "What happened?" she asked.

"How do you do it? You make it look so easy" i sob. " They're never like this with you"

Through her laughter she said "you've got to be more disciplined with them"

So that's me done. I think the world may be a better place without lots of little Hellfires.

Those kids totally dominated me, i felt quite intimidated.

I'm not going to stop taking that pill just yet.

[Gluben]

I always stand by the phrase "Never work with animals or children". I hate dogs, partly because one nearly caused me to fall off my bike years ago, and children are nightmares to entertain. I'm certain their bodies are 75% caffeine and 25% Night Nurse.