Why you should start smoking...

[Sput]

Yes, but I'm sure you became aware of it even before this thread began!

Nick, do you get paid triple wage for being the entire holy trinity, or do you outsource part of it to India?

[Nick Harvey]

Nick, do you get paid triple wage for being the entire holy trinity, or do you outsource part of it to India?

I outsource some of the work to a suburb of Belfast.

Marksi bunged me a wad through the grating in the confessional to keep the work within the UK.

[Sput]

Ok, here's another one. Do you get EVERYTHING from the collection plates paid to you? There's an old wives tale about a poor person putting an apple on one, did you get that before it went off? Or did some awful clergyman nick it?

[Nick Harvey]

The clergyman throws the contents of the collection plate up into the air.

I retain sufficient to keep me in tweed suits and allow the remainder to fall back onto the plate.

The apple was in a very similar state to the moderation on TV Forum, rotten to the core.

[PutneyMatt]

Really. I thought stripping out the double negatives and imposing a proper sentence structure was a great improvement.

Simple minds like simple sentences, I suppose.

My brain just happens to be capable of absorbing more complex ones, so I was quite happy with Sput's original.

Well a couple of commas may have improved the clarity. I am glad to see he has edited out the extraneous "however"

[Sput]

It was a relic from the initial dumbing down I felt I had to carry out so you'd be able to understand it. I thought I'd edit it as I didn't want to counfound your feeble intellect any more this evening.

I think you need a full stop on the end of your last post too.

See? I can be a pedant too!

[Gavin Scott]

Enough of your pedantry, boys; here is some of mine.

Are all those who insist that being a smoker makes me worse than Hitler telling me they do not run a car?

I wish to discuss the equivelant tonnage of poisonous emmissions per capita, living as I do in a city centre loaded with cars.

Sput - you're as bright as a button: fill me with factoids.

[all new Phil]

Sput - you're as bright as a button: fill me with factoids.

Yes, fact him till he farts.

I think I'm a considerate smoker. Where I live, I only ever smoke in my room so I don't subject my flatmates to it (even though they've said they don't mind me smoking in the living room). So SURELY anyone who is anti-smoking has no flies on me?

[Sput]

Actually I don't run a car!

DID YOU KNOW a factoid ACTUALLY means something untrue or inaccurate that has been propagated by the media as a fact? Hence the "new" meaning is itself a factoid!

[cdd]

Since we're all asking God questions here, I found a pack of unopened tissues in the street. Is it an omen? Should I throw it away or keep it? Respond ASAP, I cannot breathe until I know the answer...

[all new Phil]

Since we're all asking God questions here, I found a pack of unopened tissues in the street. Is it an omen? Should I throw it away or keep it? Respond ASAP, I cannot breathe until I know the answer...

I say burn them. Just to be safe.