TV Forum Entrance Exam

[B.E. El-Zebub]

Given tonight's incident with yet another cretin on the loose in the ITV News thread, I am forced to conclude that the only option is the introduction of an entrance examination for all new members, with questions set by the forum elders. Here's a few to kick off with - feel free to add your own.

The questions should cover general famililarity with the forum, knowledge of basic TV pres facts, spelling, punctuation and grammar.

1. Is Nick Harvey...
a) Some bloke with a beard?
b) God?
c) A cantankerous old git?
d) Not to be messed with?
e) All of the above

2. Who or what is Asa? Explain in no more than 100 words.

3. Who is the devil incarnate?
a) Lorraine Heggessey
b) Charles Allen
c) Charlie Wells
d) Jamez Trout

4. Which of the following presenters is the fabbest?
a) Moira Stuart
b) Susan D'Oyly-Osman
c) Owen Thomas
d) Kay Alexander

5. Why must you not ask for clean ITV News music?

6. Explain why BBC World isn't coming to Freeview any time soon.

[Pete]

I think even after this exam posting should be limited to 5 per day with no polls allowed.

for full privillages questions on the workings of Kay's system, an ability to rate Look North banter, general knowledge of TV Centre studio names, the ability to name ALL the ITV regions and the knowledge of why Ison left WHSmith would have to be answered. All in essay form.

oh and they all have to draw flattering pics of me which i can use as an avatar while the camera is away being fixed again.

[Bail]

1. Is Nick Harvey...
a) Some bloke with a beard?
b) God?
c) A cantankerous old git?
d) Not to be messed with?
e) All of the above

2. Who or what is Asa? Explain in no more than 100 words.
Ermm.. yeah I think so.

3. Who is the devil incarnate?
a) Lorraine Heggessey
b) Charles Allen
c) Charlie Wells
d) Jamez Trout

4. Which of the following presenters is the fabbest?
a) Moira Stuart
b) Susan D'Oyly-Osman
c) Owen Thomas
d) Kay Alexander

5. Why must you not ask for clean ITV News music?
Because only naughty people ask for it, and only nice people have it. Plus you'll go to jail or something.

6. Explain why BBC World isn't coming to Freeview any time soon.
Because the Govenment don't like it and will not give the BBC any more space on the EPG to get it, and Stephen Cole will fill up the airospace brandwidith with his amazingness.


Do I win?

[Bail]

... the knowledge of why Ison left WHSmith would have to be answered.

:O Mr Ison was an WHSmith employee!? Why am I knowing this only now?

[PutneyMatt]

1. Is Nick Harvey...
a) Some bloke with a beard?
b) God?
c) A cantankerous old git?
d) Not to be messed with?
e) All of the above

2. Who or what is Asa? Explain in no more than 100 words.
Ermm.. yeah I think so.

3. Who is the devil incarnate?
a) Lorraine Heggessey
b) Charles Allen
c) Charlie Wells
d) Jamez Trout

4. Which of the following presenters is the fabbest?
a) Moira Stuart
b) Susan D'Oyly-Osman
c) Owen Thomas
d) Kay Alexander

5. Why must you not ask for clean ITV News music?
Because only naughty people ask for it, and only nice people have it. Plus you'll go to jail or something.

6. Explain why BBC World isn't coming to Freeview any time soon.
Because the Govenment don't like it and will not give the BBC any more space on the EPG to get it, and Stephen Cole will fill up the airospace brandwidith with his amazingness.


Do I win?

No. You spelt Smugness wrong in the last question

[J.Christie]

1. Is Nick Harvey...
a) Some bloke with a beard?
b) God?
c) A cantankerous old git?
d) Not to be messed with?
e) All of the above

2. Who or what is Asa? Explain in no more than 100 words.
That's two questions

3. Who is the devil incarnate?
a) Lorraine Heggessey
b) Charles Allen
c) Charlie Wells
d) Jamez Trout

4. Which of the following presenters is the fabbest?
a) Moira Stuart
b) Susan D'Oyly-Osman
c) Owen Thomas
d) Kay Alexander
e) None of the above

5. Why must you not ask for clean ITV News music?
Because nobody is arsed to get it for you.

6. Explain why BBC World isn't coming to Freeview any time soon.
Because nobody wants it

[Pete]

well you scored a miserable none out of five. clearly you're too thick to be here.

I demand your immediate removal from this earth. my friend with the megaphone shall be round shortly.

[Chris]

Given tonight's incident with yet another cretin on the loose in the ITV News thread, I am forced to conclude that the only option is the introduction of an entrance examination for all new members, with questions set by the forum elders. Here's a few to kick off with - feel free to add your own.

The questions should cover general famililarity with the forum, knowledge of basic TV pres facts, spelling, punctuation and grammar.

1. Is Nick Harvey...
a) Some bloke with a beard?
b) God?
c) A cantankerous old git?
d) Not to be messed with?
e) All of the above

2. Who or what is Asa? Explain in no more than 100 words.
Asa is an omnipotent force which pervades every inch of TV Forum.

3. Who is the devil incarnate?
a) Lorraine Heggessey
b) Charles Allen
c) Charlie Wells
d) Jamez Trout

4. Which of the following presenters is the fabbest?
a) Moira Stuart
b) Susan D'Oyly-Osman
c) Owen Thomas
d) Kay Alexander

5. Why must you not ask for clean ITV News music?
Because Elektrik Media will send a swat team round to your house at the crack of dawn for using production music without an MCPS license

6. Explain why BBC World isn't coming to Freeview any time soon.
Because all shops would run out of Kleenex extra large mansize tissues pretty quickly if it did.

[Ant]

2. Who or what is Asa? Explain in no more than 100 words.
That's two questions

Is it?

[Lorns]

Given tonight's incident with yet another cretin on the loose in the ITV News thread, I am forced to conclude that the only option is the introduction of an entrance examination for all new members, with questions set by the forum elders. Here's a few to kick off with - feel free to add your own.

The questions should cover general famililarity with the forum, knowledge of basic TV pres facts, spelling, punctuation and grammar.

1. Is Nick Harvey...
a) Some bloke with a beard?
b) God?
c) A cantankerous old git?
d) Not to be messed with?
e) All of the above

2. Who or what is Asa? Explain in no more than 100 words.

3. Who is the devil incarnate?
a) Lorraine Heggessey
b) Charles Allen
c) Charlie Wells
d) Jamez Trout

4. Which of the following presenters is the fabbest?
a) Moira Stuart
b) Susan D'Oyly-Osman
c) Owen Thomas
d) Kay Alexander

5. Why must you not ask for clean ITV News music?

6. Explain why BBC World isn't coming to Freeview any time soon.

Question 1.. Oooh that's a difficult one to answer is he just (b) or is he (e)?
Dum de dum.. okay i'm going with (b).

Question 2.. The boss who dosen't come out to play very often.

Question 3... I'll answer (c) because Charlie is into padlocks and i have a sneaky suspicion (d's) preference is handcuffs

Q4... Got to be (a)

Q5.. Oh as if i'm likely to. That line of questioning really dosen't apply to me.

Q6.. Sorry, can't answer that as i neither know nor care.

[Nick Harvey]

Okay then, if you insist.

Question 1. Answer B, definitely.

Question 2. Some sad git who thinks she's really answer B to question 1.

Question 3. Answer C, Mental Charlie.

Question 4. Answer B, and I've got the pictures.

Question 5. Because I've already got it on a cart. Anyone still got a cart player?

Question 6. Because God told George Bush to tell Tony Bliar not to allow it.