Jokes!

[Anonymous]

[DAS]

And there's more of that tomorrow evening at the same time, here on Five.

[Pete]

In the wake of the terrorist attacks of September the 11th....

Anyhow surely if he ripped off his shirt he should be asking her to mend it for him prior to ironing.

[Cheese Head]

Here’s a racist joke, but funny none the less:

A man is walking to the pub when he comes across a lamp. So, he rubs it and, surprise surprise, a genie pops out and says “you have three wishes. Are you ready for your first wish?"
"Yes," Says the man. "When I go to pay for my pint tonight, I’ll give the barmaid a ten pound note and get change for a twenty."
"Granted" says the genie, and when the man pays for his pint with the ten, and gets change for a twenty. "Are you ready for your second wish?" asks the genie. Yes the man says, "When my pint is empty, I want it to refill itself until I’m ready to leave" The genie grants his wish and when his pint is empty, it refills itself. The man stumbles home pretty drunk. The genie asks for the third wish and the man says "This one is a bit sensitive, let me whisper it to you" he whispers his wish and the genie grants it. All of a sudden there’s a knock at the door - it's the KKK. The man asks "What can I do for you gentleman?"
He says "We here you want to be hung like a black man"

Did that not tickle your funny bone? Ok, read on...

This guy goes to the doctor with his problem and he says to the doctor "I've got a bit of a problem. I think its best I show you" So he takes his trousers of and shows the doctor. "I see the problem here. There’s some medication for it but you have to take it through your ass once every four hours. I’ll give you your first dose" The guy bends over and the doctor puts the medicine in his ass. "Did that hurt?" asked the doctor.
The man says "Well, not really. That was quite good actually." So four hours later he asks his wife to give him this medication. So he bends over, drops his trousers and the wife puts the medicine in. The man screams, "argh!", the wife frantically asks, I'm not hurting you am I?"
"No!" replied the man, "I just realised the doctor had his hands on my shoulders!"

[fusionlad]

What are you doing on Metrolpol on your birthday?

[Anonymous]

Here’s a racist joke, but funny none the less:

A man is walking to the pub when he comes across a lamp. So, he rubs it and, surprise surprise, a genie pops out and says “you have three wishes. Are you ready for your first wish?"
"Yes," Says the man. "When I go to pay for my pint tonight, I’ll give the barmaid a ten pound note and get change for a twenty."
"Granted" says the genie, and when the man pays for his pint with the ten, and gets change for a twenty. "Are you ready for your second wish?" asks the genie. Yes the man says, "When my pint is empty, I want it to refill itself until I’m ready to leave" The genie grants his wish and when his pint is empty, it refills itself. The man stumbles home pretty drunk. The genie asks for the third wish and the man says "This one is a bit sensitive, let me whisper it to you" he whispers his wish and the genie grants it. All of a sudden there’s a knock at the door - it's the KKK. The man asks "What can I do for you gentleman?"
He says "We here you want to be hung like a black man"

Did that not tickle your funny bone? Ok, read on...

This guy goes to the doctor with his problem and he says to the doctor "I've got a bit of a problem. I think its best I show you" So he takes his trousers of and shows the doctor. "I see the problem here. There’s some medication for it but you have to take it through your ass once every four hours. I’ll give you your first dose" The guy bends over and the doctor puts the medicine in his ass. "Did that hurt?" asked the doctor.
The man says "Well, not really. That was quite good actually." So four hours later he asks his wife to give him this medication. So he bends over, drops his trousers and the wife puts the medicine in. The man screams, "argh!", the wife frantically asks, I'm not hurting you am I?"
"No!" replied the man, "I just realised the doctor had his hands on my shoulders!"

Not laughing.

No racist joke.

heres another joke, What do smoker use smokealarms for?
A: To tell them when they are running out of fags.

[Katherine]

Here is the joke.

*plane crashing* *women looks at husband* and says, " Quick Quick make me feel like a women again" *Husband ripped his shirt off* and said "Here iron my shirt"

Um, two glaring grammatical errors there.... surely 'WOMAN looks at husband' and 'make me feel like a WOMAN again'. WOMEN is the plural.

Suggest reading 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves' by Lynne Truss.....

[DAS]

What are you doing on Metrolpol on your birthday?

He's only 15 - you blow out the candles, open your presents and go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Here is the joke.

*plane crashing* *women looks at husband* and says, " Quick Quick make me feel like a women again" *Husband ripped his shirt off* and said "Here iron my shirt"

Um, two glaring grammatical errors there.... surely 'WOMAN looks at husband' and 'make me feel like a WOMAN again'. WOMEN is the plural.

Suggest reading 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves' by Lynne Truss.....

Well tell the traveller magazine that wrote the joke. its not my fault.

[Neil Jones]

Here is the joke.

*plane crashing* *women looks at husband* and says, " Quick Quick make me feel like a women again" *Husband ripped his shirt off* and said "Here iron my shirt"

Um, two glaring grammatical errors there.... surely 'WOMAN looks at husband' and 'make me feel like a WOMAN again'. WOMEN is the plural.

Suggest reading 'Eats, Shoots and Leaves' by Lynne Truss.....

Well tell the traveller magazine that wrote the joke. its not my fault.

Could you not correct the outstanding errors before posting it, or is such an operation beyond you?

[Cheese Head]

What are you doing on Metrolpol on your birthday?

My brithday is over, pretty much. The food has been eaten, the alcohol has been consumed and even somone went to hospital, but still...