Metropol

I'm 20 in August, and my Grandfather died when I was around 13/14. I still miss him though, and wish his death could have been different.

He was 82 in Jan 2007 when he was taken into a small local hospital with symptoms of a stroke. He had sagging of the face, and a slight weakness in one side. The Doctor suggested that he could either go home, or go into a bigger hospital for three days rest. He walked into Hull Royal Infirmary, but did not walk out again. He died in July 2007, heavily sedated and a lot worse than when he went in. In fact, only a day after he went into HRI in January, he fell a day later, breaking his femur. He subsequently was there for around three months and deteriorated badly, before in May transferring to a nursing home and could not walk. He was in a wheelchair from then on and died in July.

I was very close to my Grandfather and I do wish he had come home instead of going to the hospital that day, maybe he would be still here. In fact I wish I had gone with him to dissuade him from even going into the hospital and come home instead.

I can understand a lot of what you're feeling.

I'm not sure there is a way to get over grief - I suppose you have to go through it. And if the person you're grieving is very important then it takes as long as it takes.

TopCat, I really do sympathise with you. I only ever had three grandparents to begin with and I was very, very close to all of them. I lost my grandpa back in 1999, followed by my grandad in 2008 and finally my grandma in January this year. I took all of their deaths very hard - I'd had so much fun with them that I still feel a big hole in my life. Just last night as I was trying to get to sleep, I was thinking about my grandpa and couldn't believe it's been nearly 14 years since I last saw him. I don't think grief ever goes away, but it does change. It changes from being a raw, empty feeling to one of comfort and reflection. I still feel a bit raw about my grandma - the last time she visited was on Christmas Day 2011, so next week will probably be a bit tough. But I do take comfort from knowing that she's with grandad again. It broke my heart to see her without grandad after 61 years of marriage. But, my feelings about my two grandfathers have changed - I no longer feel raw emotion, but instead I feel a warmth and I'm now able to remember all the great times we shared, and most importantly, all the lessons they taught me about life.

One thing is most important, though. Don't go down the 'what if' route. That will do you no good at all. You can't change the past - what happened, happened. If I'm honest, I think that if somebody manages to live into their 80s, then I'd consider that a good innings. We all want our loved ones to last forever, but that's not what life is about. What you need to think is that your grandfather lived a long time and you obviously had a good relationship with him. I'm certain he would want you to look forward rather than thinking about what could have been. Eventually you'll be able to look back fondly on the good times you had without thinking about his death.

My Grandad passed away this Monday just gone, and i'm struggling with how to feel.

I was close to my Grandma, who I lost in 2007, but my Grandad was always there and I never truly realised how much I'd miss him until he's gone. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that I no longer have any grandparents and the fact that I know have to go through all of their Worldly possessions and decide what to do with it all, along with the rest of the family.

It's hard, but not wasting weeks is the best way.

Lost my Gran last week, and cremated her Wednesday. I've not really shed too many tears. strong chief! I'm sure it will come. Just a case of supporting loved one's round you.

pakokelso93 wrote:It's hard, but not wasting weeks is the best way.

Lost my Gran last week, and cremated her Wednesday. I've not really shed too many tears. strong chief! I'm sure it will come. Just a case of supporting loved one's round you.

I'm sorry to hear that. I wish you all the best. I decided to create a video tribute to my Granddad using all the videos I had filmed of him. It helps in a little way.