James Hall's Awful
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Ronnie Rowlands
- Posts: 956
- Joined: Sun 15 Apr, 2007 14.50
- Location: North Wales
Not your best rant so far, I have to say. It lacks the detail of the others.James H wrote:Very funny.
Ronnie is victorious, vivacious in victory like a venomous dog. Vile Republicans cease living while the religious retort with rueful rhetoric. These rank thugs resort to violence and swear revenge.
But Ronnie can punch through steel so they lose anyway.
But Ronnie can punch through steel so they lose anyway.
I know, sorry. Will do better next time etc etc etc.
Unfortunately, due to auditions, rehearsals and the onset of alcoholism, I've not had a chance to sit at my laptop and spew nonsense onto the keyboard.
I'll try and find a moment when I'm not singing about AIDS or Germans (guess the shows) to talk.
Unfortunately, due to auditions, rehearsals and the onset of alcoholism, I've not had a chance to sit at my laptop and spew nonsense onto the keyboard.
I'll try and find a moment when I'm not singing about AIDS or Germans (guess the shows) to talk.
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Ronnie Rowlands
- Posts: 956
- Joined: Sun 15 Apr, 2007 14.50
- Location: North Wales
'We Will Rock You' and 'The Sound of Music'?James H wrote: I'll try and find a moment when I'm not singing about AIDS or Germans (guess the shows) to talk.
Ronnie is victorious, vivacious in victory like a venomous dog. Vile Republicans cease living while the religious retort with rueful rhetoric. These rank thugs resort to violence and swear revenge.
But Ronnie can punch through steel so they lose anyway.
But Ronnie can punch through steel so they lose anyway.
Actually cdd was RIGHT in a PM he sent, but TG is also correct. "Rent" next month, and "The Producers" in September. Also have my Fringe show too still to come so extremely busy at the moment.
I think I just want to write somethin to piss the Mail off.
I think I just want to write somethin to piss the Mail off.
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Ronnie Rowlands
- Posts: 956
- Joined: Sun 15 Apr, 2007 14.50
- Location: North Wales
Say you enjoyed 'Brass Eye'. They'll go ape.James H wrote:
I think I just want to write somethin to piss the Mail off.
Ronnie is victorious, vivacious in victory like a venomous dog. Vile Republicans cease living while the religious retort with rueful rhetoric. These rank thugs resort to violence and swear revenge.
But Ronnie can punch through steel so they lose anyway.
But Ronnie can punch through steel so they lose anyway.
Ronnie Rowlands rants
A few weeks ago I read the letters page in my local rag, as usual, with a derisive outlook. I find it best to be prepared for these things. There was a real sense of deja-vu as I ploughed through the many angry chunks of blood coughed up in an indignant rage. I felt that I’d read the numerous letters penned by hysterical, angry locals intent on dismantling a hugely beneficial, innovative and revolutionary piece of technology somewhere before. Then it hit me- the wind farms are going to kill us all.
Well, so the hysterical ‘traditionalists’ will have you believe. The sight of a ‘ghastly’ cluster of minute, white windmills is a worse sight than the photographs of cancer ridden gobs that we are lucky enough to be able to look at every time we look at a cigarette counter, telling us that apparently they’re bad for us (photos which, ironically, these people probably campaigned for. Next they’ll campaign for a photo campaign telling us that eyes are for looking with). Even glimpsing at a windmill will cause you to vomit out your own skeleton in a spasm of extreme disgust. That isn’t exactly what they said but they may as well have done.
We can’t spoil their view now, can we?
Forget reducing carbon emissions or having more efficient energy sources, we can’t possibly allow anything to cover up a tiny baby blue strip of sky. After all, without being able to see the horizon clearly, how will these fools know where the sea ends and the sky begins? The confusion created is too massive to contemplate. They call themselves ‘Save Our Scenery’ yet they don’t seem at all concerned that by ‘saving’ their scenery we’re receding its life to the point that in ten years time we’ll be ‘admiring’ the view dressed in a rubber body suit and stood in a puddle of acid water.
And we wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the scenery for long because we’d be too busy frantically trying to move faster than two miles a year to get away from a three headed wasp mutation, forged from polluted rain that they caused because they wouldn’t allow cleaner energy sources- well hurrah for ‘Save Our Scenery’! Perhaps we should start a campaign called ‘Save Our Sanity’ whereby we constantly badger the government day and night and write ill-informed, laughable letters begging the council to take each and every one of these people and lock then in a big metal cell with a windmill painted on the walls and Sellotape their eyes open; that’d teach them a lesson!
So that’s the wind farms, and now a whole new league of angry idiots is attempting to stifle internet powerhouse Google’s efforts to provide a street view on their ‘Google Earth’ application. This involves driving a car with a multi-angled camera on top of it taking millions of high definition photographs and piecing them all together to create a video like street view which any internet user can use for a number of beneficial reasons, for example, being able to plan a journey without having to spend a road trip fumbling about with a ten foot map between their partner’s knees.
The blindly outraged hysterical morons recently caught sight of a Google street camera in their village and created a human chain to stop the car progressing any further. One angry next door neighbour of society complained that Google Earth is basically a giant blueprint that burglars can use to plan their burglaries. According to him, his house uses some sort of invisibility sheath which renders it invisible to the naked eye. However, the Google camera can see through it and subsequently anyone who goes onto Google earth and is sad enough to care where some 69 year old retired postman lives will instantly know that his house exists and start planning when to set off on a journey to steal his miniscule pension purse and service medals.
Another complaining old fool who lives next door to the logic of life acknowledged that yes, burglars know their houses exist, but added that Google Earth is detailed enough to show a burglar all the points of entry. Well blow me! I didn’t know you could break into a house by kicking the door in or finding an open window. It’s a good thing that Google Earth exists; otherwise no scumbag would steal a living. I’m sorry, but unless it provides an inside view of the house and a detailed chart showing when the occupants aren’t home, where they keep there spare key and at what angle you should hold your hooked stick if you want to fish their keys from the key rack, they’ve not much to worry about. Try saying that to their faces and they’ll form a human chain around you to stop you from being able to move and eventually you quite rightly starve to death for supporting a massive infringement on their ‘human rights’.
The second complaint is that being photographed in the street is an invasion of privacy. By that logic, they should be suing everyone who glimpses at them in ASDA or catches sight of them in a wing mirror.
And if they don’t want to be photographed in a less than respectable situation- well they shouldn’t have been committing adultery in the first place, the naughty boys.
This week Ronnie decided that Americans should have nothing to do with funerals, if their loud, insane reactions to hearing mention of their towns’ name are anything to go by. “What if the priest addresses the mourners like this, ‘Peter John Wilson was born and raised… in CHICAGO ILLINOIS LAIDES AND GENTLEMEN!’ ‘WOOOOOOO YEAH MOTHER FUCKAH’.” Christ.
James Hall is ill
A few weeks ago I read the letters page in my local rag, as usual, with a derisive outlook. I find it best to be prepared for these things. There was a real sense of deja-vu as I ploughed through the many angry chunks of blood coughed up in an indignant rage. I felt that I’d read the numerous letters penned by hysterical, angry locals intent on dismantling a hugely beneficial, innovative and revolutionary piece of technology somewhere before. Then it hit me- the wind farms are going to kill us all.
Well, so the hysterical ‘traditionalists’ will have you believe. The sight of a ‘ghastly’ cluster of minute, white windmills is a worse sight than the photographs of cancer ridden gobs that we are lucky enough to be able to look at every time we look at a cigarette counter, telling us that apparently they’re bad for us (photos which, ironically, these people probably campaigned for. Next they’ll campaign for a photo campaign telling us that eyes are for looking with). Even glimpsing at a windmill will cause you to vomit out your own skeleton in a spasm of extreme disgust. That isn’t exactly what they said but they may as well have done.
We can’t spoil their view now, can we?
Forget reducing carbon emissions or having more efficient energy sources, we can’t possibly allow anything to cover up a tiny baby blue strip of sky. After all, without being able to see the horizon clearly, how will these fools know where the sea ends and the sky begins? The confusion created is too massive to contemplate. They call themselves ‘Save Our Scenery’ yet they don’t seem at all concerned that by ‘saving’ their scenery we’re receding its life to the point that in ten years time we’ll be ‘admiring’ the view dressed in a rubber body suit and stood in a puddle of acid water.
And we wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the scenery for long because we’d be too busy frantically trying to move faster than two miles a year to get away from a three headed wasp mutation, forged from polluted rain that they caused because they wouldn’t allow cleaner energy sources- well hurrah for ‘Save Our Scenery’! Perhaps we should start a campaign called ‘Save Our Sanity’ whereby we constantly badger the government day and night and write ill-informed, laughable letters begging the council to take each and every one of these people and lock then in a big metal cell with a windmill painted on the walls and Sellotape their eyes open; that’d teach them a lesson!
So that’s the wind farms, and now a whole new league of angry idiots is attempting to stifle internet powerhouse Google’s efforts to provide a street view on their ‘Google Earth’ application. This involves driving a car with a multi-angled camera on top of it taking millions of high definition photographs and piecing them all together to create a video like street view which any internet user can use for a number of beneficial reasons, for example, being able to plan a journey without having to spend a road trip fumbling about with a ten foot map between their partner’s knees.
The blindly outraged hysterical morons recently caught sight of a Google street camera in their village and created a human chain to stop the car progressing any further. One angry next door neighbour of society complained that Google Earth is basically a giant blueprint that burglars can use to plan their burglaries. According to him, his house uses some sort of invisibility sheath which renders it invisible to the naked eye. However, the Google camera can see through it and subsequently anyone who goes onto Google earth and is sad enough to care where some 69 year old retired postman lives will instantly know that his house exists and start planning when to set off on a journey to steal his miniscule pension purse and service medals.
Another complaining old fool who lives next door to the logic of life acknowledged that yes, burglars know their houses exist, but added that Google Earth is detailed enough to show a burglar all the points of entry. Well blow me! I didn’t know you could break into a house by kicking the door in or finding an open window. It’s a good thing that Google Earth exists; otherwise no scumbag would steal a living. I’m sorry, but unless it provides an inside view of the house and a detailed chart showing when the occupants aren’t home, where they keep there spare key and at what angle you should hold your hooked stick if you want to fish their keys from the key rack, they’ve not much to worry about. Try saying that to their faces and they’ll form a human chain around you to stop you from being able to move and eventually you quite rightly starve to death for supporting a massive infringement on their ‘human rights’.
The second complaint is that being photographed in the street is an invasion of privacy. By that logic, they should be suing everyone who glimpses at them in ASDA or catches sight of them in a wing mirror.
And if they don’t want to be photographed in a less than respectable situation- well they shouldn’t have been committing adultery in the first place, the naughty boys.
This week Ronnie decided that Americans should have nothing to do with funerals, if their loud, insane reactions to hearing mention of their towns’ name are anything to go by. “What if the priest addresses the mourners like this, ‘Peter John Wilson was born and raised… in CHICAGO ILLINOIS LAIDES AND GENTLEMEN!’ ‘WOOOOOOO YEAH MOTHER FUCKAH’.” Christ.
James Hall is ill