Very funny forwards

[James H]

I got this forward in my hotmail inbox today

Hey it is Andy and John, the directors of MSN, sorry for the interruption but msn is closing down. this is because too many inconsiderate people are taking up all the names (making up lots of different accounts for just one person), we only have 578 names left. If you would like to close your account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON. If you would like to keep your account, then SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. This is no joke, we will be shutting down the servers. Send it on, thanks. WHO EVER DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSEAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND YOU WILL COST 10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE WHOLE EMAIL. GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION

hey everyone, i dont normally send this sort of stuff out but had a look on the internet and its actually true . On the 1st of november, we will have to pay for the use of our MSN and email accounts unless we send this message to at least 18 contacts on your contact list. It's no joke, if you don't believe me then go to the site ( http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/1189119.stm ) and see for yourself. Anyways once you've sent this message to at least 18 contacts, your msn icon will become blue. please copy and paste don't forward, people won't take notice of it!

which prompted this: what are the funniest forwards you've ever had?

Personally I'm sick of these things, as stupid people actually believe them.

Only if they're stooooopid mind.

[Ant]

I've had at least 10 of these. I'm surprised BBC News hasn't got rid of the article.

I suppose it serves the people who send it right.

[Nick Harvey]

I discovered some time ago that if an e-mail has a subject which starts with "fw: fw:", then common sense dictates deleting it from the server without ever downloading it.

If it's already been forwarded twice or more, then it's not going to be worth the download capacity.

That's what I now do and if I miss anything important, then so be it.

[Andrew Wood]

I'm surprised BBC News hasn't got rid of the article.

The BBC explains: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/4778046.stm

[nidave]

these things are annoying and when you try to explain to people about them and say they are just fake- I get the usual response of - It was sent to me by mt friend so must be true.
I dont realy want to just say that they also happen to be stupid!

[Sput]

- It was sent to me by mt friend

That mountain is ALWAYS lying too, they should learn their lessons.

[nidave]

The to have a tendancy to be tell tall tales!

Thats what I get for trying to type when I should be helping my customers!

[Ant]

I just recieved this which pretty much sums up chain messages. Read and enjoy:

o, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and
>deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity,
>fear of
>being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt
>for not
>forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by
>people who
>actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor
>fucking 6 year
>old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able
>to raise
>enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell
>her off to the traveling freak show.
>
>Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to
>give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000?
>
>How stupid are you?
>
>Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish,
>I'll get
>laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine!
>
>What a bunch of fucking bullshit.
>
>So basically, this message is a big \"FUCK YOU\" to all the people
>out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid
>chain mail
>forwards.
>Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my
>apartment and
>sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was
>started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by
>midget
>pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000,
>it'll be in
>the
>Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of
>blatant
>stupidity.
>Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send
>me something
>mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of
>your closest
>friends,
>and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow
>receive a
>nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I
>don't fucking
>care.
>
>Show a little intelligence and think about what you\'re actually
>contributing to by
>sending out forwards. Chances are it\'s your own unpopularity.
>
>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>---------------------------------------------------
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Chain Letter Type 1:
> >>>>>(scroll down)
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Make a wish!!!
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>No, really, go on and make one!!!
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Wish something else!!!
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Not that, you pervert!!
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>STOP!!!!
>
>
>Wasn't that fun?
>Hope you made a great wish
>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all,
>if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you
>will be raped by a mad rabbit and thrown off a high building
>into a pile of steaming manure.
>
>It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones,
>THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Her\'s how it goes:
>
>*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
>sending them a stupid chain letter.
>
>*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
>for sending them a stupid chain letter.
>
>*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people
>will be pissed off at you
>for sending them a stupid chain letter,
>and may form a plot on
>your life.
>
>*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at
>you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will post chain
>letters to your mother causing her to believe that she actually
>needs
>valium and a trip to the asylum.
>
>Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
>
>---------------------------------------------
>
>Chain Letter Type 2
>
>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is
>a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no
>arms,
>no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy\'s life could
>be
>saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be
>donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from
>Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
>
>Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the
>emails
>sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on,
>reach out.
>
>Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
>
>Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6
>people,
>you will die instantly.
>
>Thanks again!!
>
>---------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 3
>
>Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897.
>
>This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then
>and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
>
>So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the
>next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
>
>Bizarre Horror Story #1
>
>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She
>had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then
>tripped
>in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down
>a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
>waterfall.
>
>Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To
>You!!!
>
>*Bizarre Horror Story #2
>
>Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail
>and
>ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
>boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
>went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day
>for eternity.
>
>This Could Happen To You Too!!!
>
>Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send
>this letter
>to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
>
>----------------------------------------------
>Chain Letter Type 4
>
>As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
>
>Send it to all your friends.
>
>\"FRIENDS\"
>
>A friend is someone who is always at your side.
>
>A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink
>of shit, and your breath smells like you\'ve been eating catfood.
>
>A friend is someone who likes you even though you\'re as ugly as
>a hat full of assholes and you have a face like a dropped pie.
>A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you\'ve soiled
yourself.
>
>A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your
>sad,
>sad life.
>
>A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really
>think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious
>dogs.
>
>A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vaccuums and
>then gets the cheque and leaves and doesn\'t speak much English
>... no, sorry that\'s the cleaning lady.
>
>A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because
>he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
>
>Now pass this on! If you don\'t, you\'ll never have sex ever again!
>
>--------------------------------------------
>The point being?
>If you get some chain letter that\'s threatening to leave you shagless
or
>luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If It\'s funny, send it
on.
>
>Don\'t piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana
>with no teeth, who\'s been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose
only
>savior is the 3 cents per letter he\'ll receive if you forward this
mail,
>otherwise you\'ll end up like Miranda. Right?
>
>Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you\'ll find all
your
>knickers missing tomorrow morning.

[Lorns]

The lengths the British will go to restore law and order.

Iraq - unrest - animal
Giant Badger terrorise Iraqi port city ATTENTION - by Karim Jamil ///

BASRA (Iraq), 11 juil 2007 (AFP) - The Iraqi port city of Basra,
already prey to a nasty turf war between rival militia factions, has
now been gripped by a new fear -- a giant badger stalking the streets
by night.
Local farmers have caught and killed several of the beasts, but
this has done nothing to dispel rumours of a bear-like monster that
eats humans and was allegedly released into the area by British forces
to spread panic.
Iraqi scientists have attempted to calm the public but, amid the
confusion and mistrust spawned by the ongoing guerrilla war, the story
has spread like wildfire in the streets of the city and the villages
round about.
Mushtaq Abdul-Mahdi, director of Basra's veterinary hospital, has
inspected the corpses of several dead badgers and tries to reassure
his fellow citizens that they are not a new post-war arrival in the
region.
"These animals appeared before the fall of the regime in 1986. They
are known as Al-Ghirayri and locally as Al-Girta," he told AFP. "Talk
that this animal was brought by the British forces is incorrect and
unscientific."
British troops have been based in Basra since the 2003 US-led
invasion overthrew dictator Saddam Hussein, and the 5,500 that remain
still face the threat of Shiite militias battling for the region's oil
resources.
They also have to battle the Iraqi rumour mill, as locals are quick
to blame them for almost any calamity that befalls the area --
including an apparent plague of vicious badgers with long claws and
powerful jaws.
British army spokesman Major David Gell said the animals were
thought to be a kind of honey badger -- melivora capensis -- which can
be fierce but are not usually dangerous to humans unless provoked.
"They are native to the region but rare in Iraq. They're nocturnal
carnivores with a fearsome reputation, but they don't stalk humans and
carry them back to their lair," he said.
Both the scientists and the soldiers agree that the badger ought
not to be a danger to humans, but so far they have failed to reassure
the populace.
"I was sleeping at night when this strange animal hit me on my
head. I have not seen such an animal before. My husband hurried to
shoot it but it was as swift as a deer," said Suad Hassan, a
30-year-old housewife.
"It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey. It runs so quickly."
Cell phone video of the badgers circulating in Basra shows a stocky
skunk-like animal with long front claws.
The honey badger, or ratel, is known as a brave predator capable of
killing a cobra. It weighs up to 14 kilos (30 pounds), not usually
known as man-eater.
Sattar Jabbar, a 50-year-old local farmer from Abu Sakhar north of
Basra, believes the badger can tackle even large prey.
"I saw it three days ago at night attacking animals. It even ate a
cow. It tore the cow up piece by piece. I tried to shoot it with my
gun but it ran away into the orchards. I missed it," he said.
In Iraq there can be only one explanation for an animal so vicious.
"I believe this animal appeared following a raid to the region by
the British forces," said Ali Mohsen, a farmer in his 40s from Karmat
Ali, near the air base used by the multinational force.
"As we are close to the airport, they probably released this animal
into the area," he reasoned.
Amid such tales, there is little experts like Dr Ghazi Yaqub Azzam,
deputy dean of the veterinary college, can do to reassure his
neighbours.
"Its nature is to eat small animals like hens and rats. It has
powerful senses of hearing and smell. It gets aggressive if senses
danger, but it doesn't attack man unless threatened," he said.
Azzam speculated that the badgers were being driven towards the
city because Iraq is trying to re-flood marshland north of Basra that
was drained by Saddam in order to persecute local Marsh Arab tribes.
For all that, the British army thinks Basrawis have little to fear.
"If you cornered it and poked it with a stick, then the smart money
would be on the badger," warned Gell, who has faced many rumours like
this one in his tour in Iraq.
"We have not released giant badgers in Basra," he said, "and nor
have we been collecting eggs and releasing serpents into the Shatt
al-Arab river."
str-dc/jds/txw

[Nate J]

I'm surprised BBC News hasn't got rid of the article.

The BBC explains: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/4778046.stm

It's on the "related stories" on the right of the original article - daft buggers for not looking eh?

[jrothwell97]

The fact is there seem to be some people who will believe this. It's doing goodness knows how many rounds on Youtube.

(The only reason I didn't say it was completely false was because it might have been based on real events, ie young girl called Lauren goes missing in forest, body discovered 3 years later.)

Now, you must forward this message to 35,000 contacts in two minutes or your computer will cause you to meet a gruesome death involving thirteen amps, three square pins and the Carbuncle Corner. I know this is true because it actually happened to my mother's sister's son-in-law's brother's cousin's mother's aunt's sister.