Metropol

*aye* I dont think ive felt so fucking depressed. ever. and im 16 - aint that grand?

Anyhoo...

My MySpace profile clearly states im gay and erm one or two hot guys... and i didnt know my brother was on MySpace. This morning - or yesterday morning should i say, i got an email of my brother in australia saying - "I had a gander on your MySpace profile and it says your gay ya big poof". It read really jokey, but also with that kinda hidden question "well, im hoping its a joke from one of your friends, (despite he thinks im gay anyway, which is obvious) but, erm, well, arnt you or are you?".

My brother... he is quite street wise, and quite homophobic. He was online when i read the email and i just didnt speak to him or nor did he me. I read it and my entire face drained of colour and ive had butterflies in my stomach all day.

first real dillema is telling him it's a joke and then changing it after a day or whatever or just trying to confide in him...

second dillema is whether or not he will tell mum and dad. Why should he? if he is that streetwise he should understand problems it would cause, and that its my place to tell my parents when i want to.

Its awful that he found out not from me but from some lame internet profile.

As youve guessed all my friends know - and for my birthday i required alot of penis related items and an inflatable husband. the morning after my mum asked "Why husband and not wife?". and i just said "cos thats just ross being ross". When her and ryan are so forward like that it crushes any comfort ive ever felt about myself, and i always think im happy being me - then stuff like that just crushes me.

not to mention all these favourite phrases my mum has once said down the line, since say i was thirteen:

"I just dont want you to turn into a poof thats all"

"Are you bisexual?"

"people are gonna think your gay"

then my dad, uber homophobe, comes out with "gay people offend me".

Seriously... argh....

I know as theres loads of other gay people on the forum its prolly same old same old... but i just needed to blow off steam, and need reasurrance - yeah that would be nice. boyfriend would be better but thats aiming a bit high...

yes i chose 3 am to write this cos i cant sleep. I cant get it out of my mind. Im just paranoid, maybe? i keep thinking "My mum is always up first and she speaks to ryan in the morning. what if ryan thinks it is a joke and tells her or something..."

I just fancy living in world war three... 1 in ten people are gay.. I wish god picked the fucking neighbour.

*chortle*

Might be an easy thing to say, but he's going to find out eventually, and what's the point of denying it now? Won't that make it more difficult later? Plus you already say you think he knows...

I know, I know - I just dont want to. even if it is over the internet.

And all that shows is how ready i am not...

--

Ah..16 and depressed due to all your hormones and chemicals in your brain. Woop/

My advice is that you can't really deny this any longer, your right about the lame internet profile that was seriously a stupid thing putting it in black and white, if you wanted to stay 'in the closet' from your family.

I suggest getting out just now.

But the fact that you got "all penis" related items for your birthday, and your parents keep mentioning it.. me thinks they know But they can't approach the subject, only you can do that.

But if your dad is the biggest homophobe, I'm sure he loves his son - even though it'll take a while for him to get used to it (even if he ever does). I'd start by telling your mum quietly, and talk to her about how to speak to your father. But pick a time when she's got a few hours, to let her get her brain around it and allow you two time to talk.

And tell your brother straight (excuse the pun) - and tell him that your parents don't know, and try and confide in him about it..he might surprise you.

Or you could wait until your 35, and your parents are wondering why you haven't married...

Edit: Ah shit, that was a serious reply... that's my yearly quota used up then.

Edit: Edit: My English is terrible today. :roll:

Your all so right - I'll only speak to ryan if he asks.

Unfortunatly Ben, we're moving back to Australia and I will "come out" (I hate that phrase) over there when we've settled because I dont want to risk anything. I know that is very kinda, well yeah - paranoid. But I just think its the safest option...

Thanks for the replies folks, excuse the pun: I feel i can think straight now.

Oh yeah, slightly off [my own] topic, my mum says the chemical that makes you depressed sits at the back of your brain making you feel that way. Moving that chemical to the front of your brain relives that feeling. And all you have to do, is walk. I've rarely found it helps me... but is that true?

nodnirG kraM wrote:

Cheese Head wrote:Oh yeah, slightly off [my own] topic, my mum says the chemical that makes you depressed sits at the back of your brain making you feel that way. Moving that chemical to the front of your brain relives that feeling. And all you have to do, is walk. I've rarely found it helps me... but is that true?

Sorry, sounds like bollocks to me!

Depression (I believe) is all about the chemical balance in your brain.. but it's not as easy to solve as walking. That'll be to 'clear you head' a little.

Before telling the world you're gay look at the bra section in your Mums Argos catalogue and see if that helps put you on the straight and narrow.

Dusty Jacket wrote:Before telling the world you're gay look at the bra section in your Mums Argos catalogue and see if that helps put you on the straight and narrow.

surely just looking at you would suffice.