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Joke thread - the return
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 11.49
by johnnyboy
I heard a fab joke the other day and thought it might be time to re-open one of our often-occuring threads.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other one to suck my cock!
LOL! I still find that really funny after a week or so.
Post your jokes, crap or otherwise, here.
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 12.32
by johnnyboy
I'm such a funny guy - here's another one...
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's condition is improving every day. Any reports of it's lack of incandescence are totally unfounded, and the result of delusional "spin" assaults from the fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it's ego. Why do you hate freedom?
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 12.51
by rts
Q. How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. You don't know man! You weren't there!
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 15.11
by johnnyboy
Dating Tips For Christian Women
1. If he tells your that you are hot...
Tell him God made you hot.
2. If he wants to hold your hand...
Give him a Bible.
3. If he tries to get closer...
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.
4. If he asks to pay for dinner...
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!
5. If he reaches his arm around you...
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could "lay hands" on him in prayer)
6. If he tries to kiss you...
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you're not ready to "speak in tongues")
7. If he asks to come inside...
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.
8. If he tells you he loves you...
Tell him that Jesus loves him.
9. If he gets angry that you won't put out...
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean "Who would Jesus Do."
10. After you dump him...
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 21.14
by Brad
Did you hear about the man who tried to drown the local vicar in Domestos?
He was arrested for a bleach of the priest.
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 22.22
by DJGM
Highlight the punchline . . .
Q: What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
A: Bugs Bunny!
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 22.49
by J.Christie
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Her class was too bright.
Sad, but I try.
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 22.54
by Nick Harvey
J.Christie wrote:Sad.
Yes.
Posted: Fri 08 Jul, 2005 23.26
by Pete
J.Christie wrote:Sad, but I try.
only the patience of others
Posted: Sat 09 Jul, 2005 13.32
by Nick Harvey
nodnirG kraM wrote:Woo - it's like hitting the Reveal button on Oracle. Ahh the memories!
Oh goodness, and the memories of coding it.
Remembering to switch conceal OFF again after the answer. Otherwise the whole of the rest of the page disappeared.
Posted: Fri 15 Jul, 2005 18.53
by Lorns
How many animals can you fit into a pair of tights?
2 calves
1 Beaver
1 Ass
1 Pussy
Countless Hares
The occassional cock
And.. One deadfish no-one can find