Metropol

I'm looking for a bit of advise. I'd ask people in person, but it's just too personal to tell people I know.

My situation is this. I've known this girl at work for about 1 year. We got on really well and have done since day one. I really fell for her several months ago but I found out that she just started seeying someone. As you can imagine, i was devastated. I meet this girl during my break every day and we always have a really good conversation and it just feels right. She doesn't necessarily have to be with me during the break - she could just as easily spend her break with female friends.

She doesn't say much about her boyfriend to me, if anything. Thing is, I just think she's using me and has been all along. The reason I think this is because I offered to give her a lift home when we first started the job. She was very grateful. We changed shift patterns later which would mean I could no longer give her a lift home, although we could still meet at break time which we have been doing since.

Now I have changed shifts again, and now I am able to give her a lift to work in the morning. I didn't mention to her that I could now give her a lift, but it hasn't stopped her pestering me all day about getting a lift to work. I've refused - I've told her I can't give her a lift to work because to pick her up would mean me having to divert onto roads which are known to be chock full at 8am. She keeps txt'ing me back to say that she would really appreciate a lift. The real reason I don't want to give her a lift is because I fancy her, but because she has a boyfriend (or so-called), I can't actually ask her out. I now don't know what to do. I really really like her, but now I'm in a real difficult situation which is just messing with me head. Opinions?

If I were you I would simply let her know (by text or email if it's easier) that you find it difficult to spend so much time with her because you find her attractive and would be interested in dating.

If she is a decent person she will either tell you she understands but won't pursue it, or she might consider giving it a shot.

My experience is that two people can't be easy, comfortable friends when one holds a candle for the other.

It's tough, but its a fact of life.

Risk it and you might just win.

I've been in a similar situation before.

I'd take a step back for a while and continue to not give her a lift. There’s a danger she could become possessive over you while not necessarily wanting to take things further with you.
Although it feels right being around her etc try to balance your time with other people at work. That way if she is wishing to take things further (now or later) she will have to make her intentions clear. Which would be the ideal time to ask for some honest answers.

It’s dangerous territory to become a 'couple' without actually being one. The longer you do it the harder it is to ask her how she feels and say how you feel.

I worked with girl A quite closely for a few months and people began to comment how close we looked etc. Nothing happened in the end… worse. I ended up getting close to her friend B but girl A I was close to didn’t want that and managed to persuade her friend B that I wasn’t right for her. I then asked girl A was anything going to happen with me and her since she was so against me being with girl B, she said no and that the fact me and girl B got close was more reason not to. So it seems she didn’t want me but didn’t want anyone else having me either.

The moral of the story is don’t get too attached otherwise she may assume ownership which could trip you up as well as lead you on. Whatever you choose to do - either be up front or step back, but don't continue as things are in the hope you will both just drift together.

Ok now an update. After all that txt'ing she's done today about getting a lift, I sent a txt to her over 1/2 hour ago asking what she is doing tonight. Guess what, no reply. And she normally replies within a few mins so I guess I have my answer. And no, she's not getting a lift

And so she finally send a txt 1 hour after sending it. The reply:

"Nothing, I'm in work tomorrow x"

Oh well, I think I'll just continue not giving her a lift until she can come up with some proper answers. I reckon if I keep my distance, it will be a clue as to what her intentions are. I'll not be able to see her at breaks either because i'm working in a completely different part of the building.

Mr Smuf, you fell into the 'friend' part of her mind and it's virtually impossible to escape from there, I'm sorry to tell you.

Move on to the next one, friend.

You may be right, Johnnyboy, but she's been friends with this other bloke for about 3 years and she has just started going out with him a couple of months ago. I find it quite odd how she hardly ever mentions him, and everytime I asked what she did over the weekend, she nearly always responds "out with my friends" or "out with my sister". I do believe her though because she talkes to them on the phone at work to make arrangements with them (whilst I am present).

The other guy she has started "seeing", she met in her previous job. The only real thing she had to say to me about him was after the christmas holidays when she said she had a massive argument with him. She subsequently took a week off from work, although I think she had other personal issues. For all I know, she might just consider this other guy "friends", but I'm just starting to think it not worth the hassle anymore.

I do already have another girl lined up who I have been seeing, just casually. I like her, but I can't progress with her because I have the girl at work in my mind 24/7 and I prefer her.