Metropol

...and as you know, I am normally a very cheery, optomistic chappy but I am feeling very low at the moment. Not sure what you guys can do to help, but you're a nice bunch so I feel like offloading on you.

Two very important people aren't around as much as they are before

First, my younger brother. I have just got back from Prague after a mate's stag weekend, and, due to the pressures of work, Ben couldn't make it and I went without him. He was fine about it because he's a lovely guy, but I really wanted him to come along.

Unfortunately, it would have been our last foreign jolly for a while. Plus he is moving to Bristol to be with his girlfriend in two months' time and I am going to miss him terribly. We have seen each other virtually every day for the last six years and have always been very close to each other.

He lives in the upstairs flat at the moment and it's brilliant to have him so close by.

Secondly, the lovely Jan, formerly 5 minutes away from me is now a little more than 5 minutes away from me after meeting a rather fine man and moving in with him.

I am very happy for both of them as they are happy, but I am missing them or will miss them terribly. You get so used to the people in your life just being there, and suddenly they are not anymore. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me, and it's awful.

Plus, I saw a letter at another mate's place the other day inviting him for interview way down south.

I am meeting nothing but psycho women at the moment, yet I am in the mood to settle down and find a woman

...whereas, of course, when I was not looking for a serious relationship, I would bat them away. I am feeling a little lonely. I have lived by myself for the first ever time since December now (I had always had flatmates or lived with women for the 10 years previous).

Woe is me.

Rant over.

What a piteous response count so far!

I've pondered your problem jb, and I have a feeling that you are the type who likes to be in control. Obviously the situation you're in has anything but control. Could it also be due slightly to jealousy? These people are going away, starting new chapters in their lives, meeting new people and moving along whereas you are still the same all the while. I've also found it harder to meet new people when you're not changing anything, it seems easier when you're starting afresh somewhere.

...And if you don't mind me asking, what makes the women you're after "psycho"? Are you perhaps spending more time with them than you would have when you weren't looking for a relationship - and you always attracted such people? I don't mean it in an insulting way, but if you're actively looking for something in a person it might distort your perception of them - it might even be in part down to the signals you give off?

Tidbits to munch over really, but I feel that if you pay me psychiatrist's rates, we will slowly reach the root of the problem

Sput wrote:I've pondered your problem jb, and I have a feeling that you are the type who likes to be in control. Obviously the situation you're in has anything but control. Could it also be due slightly to jealousy? These people are going away, starting new chapters in their lives, meeting new people and moving along whereas you are still the same all the while. I've also found it harder to meet new people when you're not changing anything, it seems easier when you're starting afresh somewhere.

You make some very good points, Sputty. I do like to be in control of my own life, but never seek to control anyone else's, I have to clear that up.

I think there is no jealousy, really. I truly believe that what I want out of life I will get - it just doesn't always come along at a convenient time or when I want it to occur.

I think it is perfectly human to miss a friend a lot when he or she has gone, and it does provoke those awkward introspective questions and feelings I am currently having.

I am bored though, and unfulfilled. I'm not bragging or anything, but I feel certain that most other guys would swap their position for mine, as I've done a lot with my life and acheived some really good things I am proud of.

But life is all about the people you have around you, not money or career etc. - and when two of them you are particularly close to are not as accessible as they were before, it makes you upset.

Sput wrote:...And if you don't mind me asking, what makes the women you're after "psycho"? Are you perhaps spending more time with them than you would have when you weren't looking for a relationship - and you always attracted such people? I don't mean it in an insulting way, but if you're actively looking for something in a person it might distort your perception of them - it might even be in part down to the signals you give off?

There are a number of different problems with them that make them unsuitable. I am sure this is not my sabotaging my own chances of getting anywhere - Jan perhaps knows more than anybody the types of women I have been meeting lately and she shared some of the incredulity about their behaviour and ways of thinking.

But your point about the signals I may give off is very perceptive - and require a bit of thought. Thanks, Sputty