Metropol

You're probably not interested...but...

I've cut ties with my best mates. Not an easy decision...but I'll explain...

I went down the pub tonight to speak to them all to "TALK" so we could sort out a lot of problems we had. I must admit I'm a bit of an unpredictable person and sometimes I can just flip occassionally.

Well a lot of rubbish has happened (I won't go into it...would take too long...) but I felt I needed to explain to my best mates why I sometimes do some hurtful stuff. A recent case where I've done something bad and I've effectively played with someone's emotions and of course I feel bad for this.

So down the pub I go after a bit of stubborness to try and sort the problems with my best mates out. After all I do enjoy the time I spend with them. Still, I go down and try to open my heart...in fact I do open my heart and be totally honest with them and explain what the issues are and sometimes why I do it.

Conclusion from them all: I'm clinically depressed.

Ok, fair enough...I can actually take it...it wouldn't surprise me if I was to be honest. But my mates have said this and say "they care" and "want to help" - fine at this point...I'm touched.

But one of them gives it away by saying they were all in a group beforehand saying they had been researching it and looking into it and saying I had all the symptoms. That pisses me off. Well...why you may say - it's because I could have said absolutely anything to them tonight and they still would have told me I'm clinically depressed.

It sounds silly...if I am then I shouldn't have a problem should I? But it's the fact they said "Let's talk..." but actually meant "Let's tell you what we think is wrong with you..."

I know I'm in the wrong...but I feel insulted that my mates could not TALK to me PROPERLY before making such a brutal assessment on me. They don't even know me to be honest...and it's a bit of cutting nose off to spite my face but I feel better without them.

I think I've probably got a few problems with myself but nothing that cant be solved with a bit of back patting and a few good days out. Naive I know...and you'll all say to me that I should go and see a doctor now because you think I'm a right fruitcake!

Not the fact they've said it...just the fact they had no other intention tonight other than to tell me that I'm fucked up.

This time two years ago I was on anti-depressants.

I'm certainly nowhere near as depressed now (if at all) as I was back then, but I feel I never really dealt with the issues properly so it still feels 'unresolved' somehow.

I feel strangely ambivalent about the whole thing. I'm not sure whether the 'treatment' (ie medication and counselling) really helped or not.

i think everybody goes through low points at various times in their lives, what i would say is never throw away your friends, the very fact that they looked up your symptoms on the web certainly shows they care.

they could so easily have outcast you from the group totally, try and make amends, even if you have to swallow your pride and dent your ego.

it will help you in the long run. get together with your friends and start doing things that will take your mind off whatever it is that is making you feel dreadful.

Hear hear best mates don't come along that often in life .

Your not thinking rationally tonight and we have all been there take it on the chin and show them what your made of .

However i doubt that your "depressed" your down and most of us do experience that,try and identify what exactly makes you "flip" and why you do some "unpredictable" things sometimes. It sounds as though your angry about something and a little insecure,again nothing we haven't all been through .

Your not isolated here,it's life.look at all your good points you have a great sense of humour your very bright open and honest and believe me that takes courage i know.

I'm direct and sometimes it's difficult to say what you think when you know people are not going to appreciate it but that's who you are.

However there are always boundries try and stay within them and respect others feelings try and work it out with your mates but get your point acoss and manage the situation don't run away from it you can't always do that when people read you your fortune you need to work things through . Remember we are all diffrent and with friends you have to accept their funny little ways .You have alot going for you .
don't forget that .Let us all know how you get on .

PS Your NOT "Fucked up" it's just a shitty time we all go through them thats life .

I echo the above replies.

Don't lose contact with your mates. You'll regret it later.

About three years ago I was having major problems with depression and zero self-esteem. I lost interest in everything I'd previously enjoyed including going out with my mates. Eventually they gave up asking me out and we just lost contact.

I subsequently sought help and was prescribed anti-depressants and I started seeing a councellor (I'm still taking both these treatments). My councellor suggested I might try making contact with my mates again. I was apprehensive about this (not knowing what sort of response I'd get), but I did get back in touch and explained to them that I was totally f*cked up at the time. Fortunately they were understanding and accepted me back into the fold.

Anyway, the point I'm making is that good mates are hard to find. Don't lose 'em.

They're not good mates though...I have other best mates that I see less but get on with so much better. As long as I have those kind of people then I'll be happy.

I didn't expect everyone to fully support what I have said and done because it's a rash move and rather serious. But I'm off to uni in 5 weeks and cannot wait...the friends I thought I had were there last night to tell me that I had depression to completely shift any blame off them too. Not because they really care at all...and I'm probably wrong but they are my own thoughts and feelings and I will stick with them until I see something different.

I went in last night with an incredible open mind and pretty much accepted anything they told me...I wanted to make up that night and I thought it could happen. But instead it was false hope and my mates don't care really. There are different ways of dealing with it...they told me not because they cared but because they wanted the pleasure/superiority by telling me. Not that I'm refusing help at all...if they had gone a completely different way about it then I would have no problems.

Still, I'm an arsehole...but it must be my depression.

Isonstine wrote:They're not good mates though...I have other best mates that I see less but get on with so much better. As long as I have those kind of people then I'll be happy.

I didn't expect everyone to fully support what I have said and done because it's a rash move and rather serious. But I'm off to uni in 5 weeks and cannot wait...the friends I thought I had were there last night to tell me that I had depression to completely shift any blame off them too. Not because they really care at all...and I'm probably wrong but they are my own thoughts and feelings and I will stick with them until I see something different.

I went in last night with an incredible open mind and pretty much accepted anything they told me...I wanted to make up that night and I thought it could happen. But instead it was false hope and my mates don't care really. There are different ways of dealing with it...they told me not because they cared but because they wanted the pleasure/superiority by telling me. Not that I'm refusing help at all...if they had gone a completely different way about it then I would have no problems.

Still, I'm an arsehole...but it must be my depression.

In your original post you say "i've cut ties with my best mates"are they or aren't they ? try and establish that first it may be a good start .

What have you "said and done" ?exactly .If i were you i would pay a visit to the DR and find out once and for all if your suffering from depression and i would do it sooner rather than later and especially before you head off to uni.

It's sometimes a cliche to say "i'm depressed" without actually knowing what depression is i'm not doubting you but get it checked out by a professional first . You are funny "i'm an arsehole" your very hard on yourself aren't you don't worry it'll all work out but try and face what's the cause of it all don't run away from it all you may be going off to uni in five weeks and escaping your immediate enviroment but you need to address what your anxieties are to be able to move forward and prevent this from happening again .

Isonstine, if people think your depressed then just show them your smile like you have on your profile and see what that does. As they say a smile goes far...

I went through a bout of mild depression late last year. Work was getting to me, somehow managed to get myself as a manger of 30 people and when you get 30 people with 30 different views on how a workplace should run together with the management on top of you telling you what to do, it all got on top of me.

With that and problems with home and my close knit friends that I have going their own seperate ways, moving to a different country etc. You could guess that it was putting me a downwards spiral.

I went to the doctors for some advice as the last thing I wanted to do was to be signed off for a couple of weeks through stress/depression . I saw that as a mark against my career, not to mention I would have been the fifth manager type person to be signed off for that reason.

I didn't go into much with the doctor, I had the impression I had two minutes to say it all in. I barely touched anything and before I knew it, he prescribed me some anti depressants.

I had to stop taking them after 3 tablets because I was getting to many side effects but the doctor did give me a leaflet about seeing a councillor. Although I'm the type of person that bottles up my emotions etc. It seems that just by talking to someone that has connection in your life works.

I think what was needed in my life was a change of direction. I've changed jobs/companies now and decided that I wouldn't manage/supervisor again for a while. It was my first job at this sort of thing and to manage 30 people in one go was certainly a jump from being "one of them"

I would love to travel but unforunately committments of a financial kind is preventing me. Anyhow enough about me. It's about Mr Isonstine! Best thing to do is keep smiling, talk to someone and hopefully it will work out in the end.

Thanks russ...all that advice seems like good sense to me!

Thankfully I do still have people I can talk to...and I'm not afraid to go and seek help if I truly think I need it (or when I'm sectioned )

Not a problem. Just don't forget the strait jacket!

I was going to mention in my previous post about the councillor. I had a councillor a few years ago due to a death in the family. I wasn't too keen on the councillor I had because it was very one way which I guess it is suppose to be like that but I wanted somebody that I could talk to knowing that I would get a response but it was almost like talking to a brick wall.

Granted the councillor was a voluntary person and I shouldn't knock people who offer their services and their time for free but when the doctor mentioned about getting a councillor again, I was in two minds whether to go for it.

Fortunately for me, the company that I previously worked for offer free advice for a variety of things on life matters, one of them being councilling. As this was a private company doing this, I was able to get four free sessions. These were really good and I mentioned my previous experience with a councillor. She prompted in certain areas when I was having trouble with coming out with things which was great because at least I knew she was trying to help.

I guess using forums like these and chatrooms can also help as you can tell your story to complete strangers and there might be someone at the other side that can help and above all it's free.

Anyhow, me's off to Tescos shortly to see what ready made meal I can get as cooking was never my strongest point

I'm not sure I'd go to see a councillor about depression ...