Metropol

This kind of call happens quite regularly to me at work..
Me: Good morning/afternoon Lorna speaking.
Caller: Hello, is that Lorna?
Me: Ummm! Yes!
caller: Are you working today?
Me: Umm..Yes! < resists the urge to take the piss>
caller: Of course you are < embarrassed laughter> I'll be in later then.

I often have a chuckle to myself when i hang the phone up.

After ringing a friend, I did onces say "Hi it's me, is that you?".

The funniest when me and my girlfriend at the time were going to Rome last December.

"Who are you flying with madam?"
"Rowan"

rts wrote:After ringing a friend, I did onces say "Hi it's me, is that you?".

The funniest when me and my girlfriend at the time were going to Rome last December.

"Who are you flying with madam?"
"Rowan"

Well she'd have to be thick to agree to be your girlfriend, Rod.

Does she like bouncing on your asian winky?

She was blonde. And who wouldn't.

rts wrote:She was blonde. And who wouldn't.

Indeed Rod. I'm sure there are quite a few homosexuality types here that would jump at the chance to do you

You sure you don't want to yourself? You must be damn bored of sheep.

rts wrote:You sure you don't want to yourself? You must be damn bored of sheep.

I'm currently shagging a girl from cardiff uni as it happens, so no sheep for a while!

From my days as an IT Trainer...

A student, whom I shall refer to as 'Student X'. All I am prepared to say is he looked like a Chuckle Brother and asked very dumb questions and thought the word 'Microsoft' had to be used in front of everything connected with computers...

Student X: Brad...
Brad: (Reluctantly) Yes...?
Student X: Where it says 'click here', do I 'click on Microsoft Word'?
Brad: Yes...
Student X: (reading) Open Microsoft Word... Is this Microsoft Word here?
Brad: Yes.
Student X: (reading screen) Document One Microsoft Word. Now, it says to close Word and to try opening it again?
Brad (looosing the will to live): Yes...
Student X. Word? What does that mean?
Brad: Close 'Word' means close 'Word'
Student X: Does it mean Microsoft Word?
Brad: Yes.

And so on...

I work at Domino's in Plymouth for my uni job. Standard conversation between myself and some local person at 2 O'Clock in the morning is usually along the lines of:

(phone rings)
ME: "Domino's Pizza but I'm afraid we're closed now"
Would-be Customer: "Yeah I wants a dominows migh-ee-mee-ey"
Me: "I'm sorry but we're closed"
Would-be Customer: "Yeah, wiv ah garluck breead"
Me: "yeah I'm afraid we're closed"
Would-be Customer: "yer clowsed!!" (said with a tone of complete incredulation, as though it wasn't the third time I'd informed the caller of that fact"
Me: "Yes I'm afraid we closed 2 hours ago"
Would-be Customer: "well (insert name of random kebab house on the octagon in Union Street) is still oh-pun, I could goes down their now and buys a peat-zer"
Me: "I'm afraid we're still closed though, sir"
"Would-be Customer": cunt
(phone cuts off).

Either that, or on being told that we're closed, a would-be punter offering an assurance that he could 'sends tha bay down royt-now to pick it up' as if that would make a difference - yeah right, we're really going to fire up an industrial oven which uses £40 worth of gas per hour (as well as needing to turn the air conditioning and extractor hood back on, which between them make the wheel on the electric meter spin around very fast), takes 20 minutes to warm up and 35 to cool down just to cook one pizza which is ordered two hours after we closed.

Andrew wrote:For the latter, Vicar Lane in Leeds had a voiceover that said "Caution 2 way traffic" for about 2 years after it stopped being a one way street

Get this one, we had a sign saying 'New Traffic Signals Ahead' on a lampost for almost 10 years, on bpth sides, but they've gone now.

Get this one, we had a sign saying 'New Traffic Signals Ahead' on a lampost for almost 10 years, on bpth sides, but they've gone now

At home in Cornwall there's a sign by a junction declaring 'New Road Layout Ahead' which has been there for at least 15 years.