Morale = Low

[iSon]

OK, I've had a night out and had far too much to drink. This has taken what seems like hours to type without any fundamental mistakes.

I'll be honest - I'm upset. This isnt a joke - I'm lonely. I am beginning to realise that people I get in touch with or try to get to know don't actually like me. I'm obviously doing something wrong and I hate myself for it.

I'm working in a supermarket - near enough full time and then spending a lot of my weeknights drinking alcohol with friends that are willing to go out. I went to the quiz night and got totally pissed - and I mean really - slurred speech and falling in hedges kind of drunk.

I'm sort of thinking that this is my life at the moment, thankfully I know that I'll be off to univeristy - hopefully in London this year, but still when people say "look forward to the future" and "you've got years to come yet" doesn't help the way I feel rigt now.

I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me that I'm not so bad and not a total minger and twat. Sadly nodoby will. Although I know my life isn't totally shit - it doesnt help that kind of shit feeling I have.

God knows why I posted this. I'm not looking for symapthy honest - because when people do, they only get false sentiments from people that don't really know them very well at all. I just felt that I wanted to post this.

Thanks for reading all xx

Love you all, and never get as sad as me.

[DAS]

Listen matey. Here's good sound advice coming from Uncle Daniel.

You say people telling you to look to the future are not helping. Well it should do - you will be going to university, a place full of hundreds of people like you. You will meet more people in the first week than you've met in your life. And I know you've been there, done that, but take that as an extra opportunity that not many people get.

The fact you are getting hammered with friends - any friends - tells me you are not as lonely as you think you are. Look around you and take advantage of the friends you do have, get to know them well and get to know them good. Don't make the mistake of taking them for granted and underestimating their value.

And I know saying "there's always someone worse off" most probably isn't going to help - but it is worth saying in a round about way such as follows. If you feel lonely yet are going out to get drunk, please think about the ones who don't have the people to go out with in the first place. The people who wouldn't be able to go to a quiz night and have that fun.

I know it all seems worthless at the moment, but just realise the fact it really isn't. It's obvious you're at a stage where things don't seem comfortable - you're kind of in between stages. But it will pass and I know you know that too.

Failing that, get on the train and have a drink with me. Though to be honest it would be a bit of a long trek.

[Gavin Scott]

*Hugs Ison*

[Snu]

I know what is, your missing Peter! Its totally understandable. I've had a pretty rough week to and all I can think is *SEND IN THE CLOWNS* You'll get over it, you always do.

[martindtanderson]

Ahh, poor Ison! If you want some cheering up, look at this I posted in the Sky news Thread at TVforum...

Watch these two videos, to see how the Iraq War could of been treated by Sky. (Please right click to download)

Declaration of War - real media 5.8MB
War Ident - real media 0.9MB

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for anyone who looses the control of their bladder watching these videos...

[Aston]

James, James, James, fear not my friend, everything will work out and be fine. Things in life genereally do, so you've got no worries there.

You told me the other day you've got an unconditional offer for Uni in London, that's fantastic news and that means you can be a lot more stable and organised before you go. When I went to Uni I only knew I was going to Leeds a couple of weeks before, I couldn't organise anything!

When you say you're lonely, that would suggest you want someone to confide in and talk to about things you don't chat to anyone else about. Would you feel comfortable speaking to one of your friends? Otherwise, don't worry, there's someone out there somewhere, waiting for you

Good luck (not that you need it), you'll be fine!

[Gavin Scott]

Ahh, poor Ison! If you want some cheering up, look at this I posted in the Sky news Thread at TVforum...

Martin you selfish sod, why would your video clips cheer him up? Talk about trying to steal his thunder.

[mr smuf]

Maybe you are drinking too much alcohol? I don't just mean on one night, but generally most weekends you just drink too much - even though you might not know it! If someone can drink, say, 7 pints in one night, that doesn't mean you have to try and "keep up" with them. If you can only drink 3 or whatever, then that is cool. I mention the alcohol because it tends to bring out the worst in people over a length of time. I'm talking months and years here rather than short term. Maybe the alcohol is changing your mood and now you are just starting to realise the long term effects? Alcohol is a depressant and it sounds like your slowly going down that road.

However, having said that, most people feel down at times. As long as it isn't happening like every day or every other day. It's only natural to feel miserable at times and it is unfortunately associated with life change - puberty etc. They say the best times of your life are when you're a kid... I reckon that's true. Life doesn't get any easier really.

Also, think about University please. Don't just assume going to uni will fix your life cos it won't. There might be some great people you hit it off with, then again, there may be some tossers and it is not uncommon for many new uni students to feel a bit "distant", as if they don't fit in with the rest. This is all circumstantial however - there are many factors which will influence how happy you will be in life, not just at university, but at work etc etc. Also, what happens when you leave uni? Do you leave your friends behind as well? What happens if you have to move away from home to get a job? You then have to try and make new friends again. What happens if you graduate uni and STILL can't get a job? There are 1000's of newly qualified grads out there who are up to their eyeballs of debt and have a cat in hells chance of getting a job. This is either through lack of experience (very likely), or simply no job market for your profession.

I think what I'm trying to say, is, don't think too hard about life. Because that will probably lead to more deeper feelings of insecurity and it's a long way back up the hill once you go down that road.

Life's an adventure and a challenge. Good luck mate.

[Snu]

I'll drink to that!!!

[MrTomServo]

I'm not looking for symapthy honest - because when people do, they only get false sentiments from people that don't really know them very well at all.

This may be true, especially on a website. I think there isn't *anyone* on this board that wants to see you depressed (in real life, online, or otherwise), but you do raise a good point about people --- for the most part --- not really knowing who you are.

Of course, we're not all who we say we are online. That's the beauty and magic of having a personality online. But it's in posts like these when we realise that we are all human, and we're not just free electrons floating about the aether. Perhaps we may not know you, James, but we have all been in a situation like yours.

Let me share a story, if I may. Hopefully it will cheer you up.

There's a phrase that I rattle off when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and someone piles up something else on me ... I'll look at them and say, "Well, it's always (a beat) *something*." I'm not sure what good it does, but it just goes to show you that it is, indeed, always something.

I say that, but then I remember a funny story from about two months ago. Funny now, of course. My shower control (I have one knob that you can pull on and push off, and turn from side to side to control the temperature --- chuckles to a minimum, please) started feeling very loose, and the water would get very cold. I fretted about calling a plumber, because I figured he would have to shut off the water to install a new knob. I called him, and set up an appointment, and said that if he did have to shut off the water, then he would come back another day in time for me to warn my neighbours, because the whole building's water would have to be shut off. So I fretted for about four days straight over this, worrying about notifying my neighbours, or being without hot water for *another* week whilst I waited for the second appointment. I worried because I'd have to do it during the week when nobody's there, and I'd have to take time off work, and it would eat into my UK vacation time. And, of course, I thought it could be a severe water problem that could cause the whole building to suffer. Foundation cracks and the like. It was horrible.

So the plumber came, and showed up at the door with just a screwdriver in his hand. He said, "I think you're going to feel pretty stupid for calling me." He walked over to the knob, took a heretofore *secret* cap off the front of the knob, and tightened a screw beneath. Lo and behold, it was fixed. $35, thanks very much.

The moral of the story was that I'd run out of things to worry about. So much so, apparently, because I was practically needing Valium over my stupid shower knob. And after that, my brain hasn't picked anything out for me to fret over. Apparently it isn't "always something" anymore. For as long as I can remember, I've always had one niggling thing that sits in the back of my mind and usually winds up being the last thing I think about before I fall asleep, and the first thing when I wake. But now, not anymore. I guess I finally -- FINALLY -- got it through my own mind that worrying is so pointless and wasteful, especially over such minor minor things.

That's the story. It could be said about depression that one (brain chemistry notwithstanding) chooses to be depressed. James, you've already chosen not to be depressed by finding a path for yourself at school in London. Yes, it's taking some time to get on the road, but you have to be patient with yourself, and let yourself emerge gracefully from this ditch that you find yourself in. Take things as they come. Embrace the good, forget the bad. Stuff like that.

You'll be fine, James. There's comfort in knowing there are better things ahead for you.

[martindtanderson]

Ahh, poor Ison! If you want some cheering up, look at this I posted in the Sky news Thread at TVforum...

Martin you selfish sod, why would your video clips cheer him up? Talk about trying to steal his thunder.

If you know of The Day Today, or have even watched the video clips, you can understand, they are very funny!

As you all may know, I have clinical Depression, so I do know what its like, and I felt a laugh may help!

------------------------------------

James, I do understand how you are feeling, and fortunatly it doesnt sound like you have gotten really depressed. I dont know how much it may help, but I dont think you're ugly or a bad person. You seem like a laugh, and someone who you can talk to.

I know we have never spoken to each other apart from on the forum, but you're welcome to get in touch if you want a shoulder to cry on. It does help to get it all out in the open, and it is also important not to dwell on it too much.

Distraction is one way of temporarily taking your mind off it, hence the videos, but unless you find someone to talk to, especially someone in the same or worse position, it can help put things in perspective, and that is the only way to tackle it.

So dont hesitate to PM me or Email me, or even IM me, if you wanna talk, I could even give you my mobile number, if you wanna talk in person.